The Polygamist's Daughter

Stories, Reflections and Conclusions of Life on the Inside


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Suffering In Silence

The religion that I grew up with told us that suffering was a gift from God for women, and women suffering in silence allowed men their birthright to have joy. Suffering made women more beautiful because it kept them meek and humble, and at the feet and will of men.

The paradox of joy and suffering, in this system of belief was very extreme, and was encoded in me as a very young child. It is still a work in progress, as life is. Finding the courage to speak my truth in the presence of men can still unnerve me at times.

Suffering does’t make anyone more beautiful, but it can offer a lesson in self-growth that can lead to a more beautiful way of moving through life.

The paradox of joy and suffering are a part of the human experience, as paradoxes are. The paradox exists as a medium for growth. There is a difference between embracing the paradox of joy and suffering, and being a doormat for suffering in the belief that it is a spiritual practice.

Joy is a result of recognizing the suffering exists and healing it; first accepting its existence, and second, treating it with healthy applications of love, beginning with self-love. 

The paradox of suffering and joy exists. How we work with the paradox is how we find joy. This is with our own suffering, as well as the suffering of others. 

Recognizing the suffering, and wallowing in it without resolution, are two different things. There is also a difference between processing the suffering and spiritually bypassing it.

Without recognition and acceptance, then processing and resolution, the lesson that suffering has to offer isn’t learned. Ignoring, stuffing (staying sweet and silent) or bypassing the suffering halts to path to joy. Until the lesson is learned, the suffering will continue, and joy is held at bay. 

The suffering will keep coming up, again and again, until it is resolved and the lesson is learned.  

Choose to see the suffering as an opportunity for personal self-growth. This requires facing it with courage, refusing to stuff it and pretend it doesn’t exist and resolve it with love and fortitude. 

Life is that ALL beings might have joy. Everyone suffers, it is part of the human experience on earth school. How long we suffer, and how we manage the suffering is a choice. We are all empowered with choice.

Choose Joy! 


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War Against Men?

If sexual assault on a man isn’t okay, then why on earth would it be okay for a woman?

I saw something a few days ago about the war on men. Seriously?????

Women are finally coming into greater courage and no longer sweeping our pain stories under the rug for the collective comfort zone. Some people are actually victimizing the victims, as though making women look like villains somehow makes men look better.  It certainly keeps men in their place, but is that really what’s best for everyone?

I really hope we are more conscious than to think that there is a war against men. There is no war against men – that is part of the illusion based in fear. Fear is feeding the war B.S. (belief system) to men, and some small-minded women, and trying to reverse all the work love has done to move humanity forward.

Againstness is what got us into this ugly mess in the first place. 

Just because women are finally finding the strength and courage to speak their truth, after thousands of years of tyranny, in NO WAY emasculates men. It does however, cause men to rethink how we move forward in mutual respect and understanding.

We women are simply asking that we be treated with same the dignity and respect that men have always afforded each other. We are tired of the ancient and archaic belief, still clinging to collective sub-conscious, that God created women for men, and that women are the reason for the sins of men.

We want to feel safe, free, limitless and confident, the way that men do. 

Saying that women becoming emotionally stronger is making men emotionally weaker is like saying that women lifting weights at the gym is making men physically weaker. That is preposterous! Strength is a choice – exercise it responsibly!

We are outgrowing fear. This is about women outgrowing beliefs of less-than-ness, and men outgrowing the stronghold of force, manifesting itself as compete, control and conquering of women and all life on earth. One above another is all based in fear. Some men are helping move consciousness forward by teaching other men how rise-above our ancient fear based-beliefs and create a new reality based in love.

In this love-based reality REAL men understand that masculine (every man and women is both masculine and feminine) is powerful, it manifests as cooperation, support and protection.

We women have no interest or desire to emasculate men, we want real men. We want companions and friends, men we can trust with our hearts and our children’s, rather than being afraid they will hurt us. We don’t want overseers and owners who control us through ego and manipulation. We want to be at men’s side, rather than from their side. We want men to understand that dominion is the opposite of domination. Human beings were never meant to be corralled and controlled.

We are tired of being afraid and we are standing up to fear! 

We need conscious and loving men to use their power, support and protection to help lift us up so that we can soar, rather than continue to use force to keep us down. We need men who are strong enough with themselves that they can raise us up, support the tremendous courage it takes for us to come out from under wraps, protect the cause of love for all life on earth, and applaud us when we rise to the occasion.

This is the only way we will create a new reality where everyone wins. 

We are working toward a world based in love and balance, rather than fear and patriarchy. In order to achieve this, we have to stop the belief that we need to be at war with each other. War and blame has never solved anything – it never has, and it never will. War only keeps us in a perpetual cycle of fear and againstness.

We need men and women who are high-minded, who can see from a higher perspective, act above the fear and raise the consciousness of all of humanity, so that we, all of us, are all no longer controlled by anything that ever was.

This is how we all become free. 

Victoria Reynolds Signature

 


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What Were You Wearing?

There are a few chapters in my book Fly, Fly Away that have been kicking my creative butt for far too long. Disseminating over 17 years of trauma to the mind, body, heart and spirit takes a lot of work to dig through. It is my intent to write my story as a novel, rather than a biography. Showing, rather than just telling draws on a completely different level of creativity. Here I share just a bit about a sexual assault in high-school and the big aha that came out of it.

In his supposed brilliance as a leader, the principal reported the incident to the local police, thinking that perhaps a legal threat would help me clean up my act and straighten my wayward ways. To my frightful demise, my parents were involved, they were the last people I wanted to have know about this.

A police officer, along with my parents, were called to the school after school hours. The uniformed officer met with my parents and I separate from Dan and his family. They had heard of Dan from his home precinct, but he was new to this part of the valley. The officer, my parents and I sat at a picnic table at the front of the main high-school building.

“I understand you had an altercation with a boy at school today,” he began as he pulled out his notebook, “Tell me, what were you wearing?”

“What was I wearing? What does that have to do with anything?” I blurted, shocked at the absurdity of his question.

“Well, you know that boys don’t act the way this young man did unless they feel provoked. We’ve found that when girls act or dress in a way that makes boys think they have permission that boys sometimes get over-excited. You must have done something to warrant his behavior. I’m asking you again, what were you wearing?”  

Now I finally got it! I finally understood what my father had said all those years ago about how girls wearing pants made boys think things. And I finally understood why in Girl’s Class they put so much emphasis on modesty, keeping our bodies covered, and not adorning ourselves. While it wasn’t said in so many words it became apparent that girls were held responsible for boy’s irresponsible behavior. My baby-blue long sleeved, modest neckline sweater with sweet little yellow and pink flowers was apparently too much for Dan to resist and he had to rip it off me. I knew I had done nothing to deserve what Dan had done to me. Why couldn’t this officer understand?

“Well, what were you wearing?”

“I was wearing my favorite sweater. It was light-blue with long sleeves and a high-neck and it had little flowers on it. It’s wasn’t even a tight sweater and now it’s ruined. I’m a nice girl, I promise.”

“Did you taunt him in some way, flirt with him or give me him a tease? You know how girls are.”

“No, I wouldn’t ever do that. I hate him. I hate his guts!”

 “Well, you must have done something to provoke this young man. I will meet with him next. You are free to go.”

What became really clear after looking back at this and other incidences of assault by boys at school, was the long-held belief that girls are the cause of boys sins. Is is such a long-held, unconscious belief that it goes all the way back to the story of Adam and Eve.

It is time for us as humanity to grow up, see the ridiculousness in the belief that women are the cause of the fall of men, and hold ourselves each accountable for our own actions, rather than placing blame elsewhere.

Until next time, Be Fearless & Free!

Victoria Reynolds Signature