The Polygamist's Daughter

Stories, Reflections and Conclusions of Life on the Inside

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War Against Men?

If sexual assault on a man isn’t okay, then why on earth would it be okay for a woman?

I saw something a few days ago about the war on men. Seriously?????

Women are finally coming into greater courage and no longer sweeping our pain stories under the rug for the collective comfort zone. Some people are actually victimizing the victims, as though making women look like villains somehow makes men look better.  It certainly keeps men in their place, but is that really what’s best for everyone?

I really hope we are more conscious than to think that there is a war against men. There is no war against men – that is part of the illusion based in fear. Fear is feeding the war B.S. (belief system) to men, and some small-minded women, and trying to reverse all the work love has done to move humanity forward.

Againstness is what got us into this ugly mess in the first place. 

Just because women are finally finding the strength and courage to speak their truth, after thousands of years of tyranny, in NO WAY emasculates men. It does however, cause men to rethink how we move forward in mutual respect and understanding.

We women are simply asking that we be treated with same the dignity and respect that men have always afforded each other. We are tired of the ancient and archaic belief, still clinging to collective sub-conscious, that God created women for men, and that women are the reason for the sins of men.

We want to feel safe, free, limitless and confident, the way that men do. 

Saying that women becoming emotionally stronger is making men emotionally weaker is like saying that women lifting weights at the gym is making men physically weaker. That is preposterous! Strength is a choice – exercise it responsibly!

We are outgrowing fear. This is about women outgrowing beliefs of less-than-ness, and men outgrowing the stronghold of force, manifesting itself as compete, control and conquering of women and all life on earth. One above another is all based in fear. Some men are helping move consciousness forward by teaching other men how rise-above our ancient fear based-beliefs and create a new reality based in love.

In this love-based reality REAL men understand that masculine (every man and women is both masculine and feminine) is powerful, it manifests as cooperation, support and protection.

We women have no interest or desire to emasculate men, we want real men. We want companions and friends, men we can trust with our hearts and our children’s, rather than being afraid they will hurt us. We don’t want overseers and owners who control us through ego and manipulation. We want to be at men’s side, rather than from their side. We want men to understand that dominion is the opposite of domination. Human beings were never meant to be corralled and controlled.

We are tired of being afraid and we are standing up to fear! 

We need conscious and loving men to use their power, support and protection to help lift us up so that we can soar, rather than continue to use force to keep us down. We need men who are strong enough with themselves that they can raise us up, support the tremendous courage it takes for us to come out from under wraps, protect the cause of love for all life on earth, and applaud us when we rise to the occasion.

This is the only way we will create a new reality where everyone wins. 

We are working toward a world based in love and balance, rather than fear and patriarchy. In order to achieve this, we have to stop the belief that we need to be at war with each other. War and blame has never solved anything – it never has, and it never will. War only keeps us in a perpetual cycle of fear and againstness.

We need men and women who are high-minded, who can see from a higher perspective, act above the fear and raise the consciousness of all of humanity, so that we, all of us, are all no longer controlled by anything that ever was.

This is how we all become free. 

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What Were You Wearing?

There are a few chapters in my book Fly, Fly Away that have been kicking my creative butt for far too long. Disseminating over 17 years of trauma to the mind, body, heart and spirit takes a lot of work to dig through. It is my intent to write my story as a novel, rather than a biography. Showing, rather than just telling draws on a completely different level of creativity. Here I share just a bit about a sexual assault in high-school and the big aha that came out of it.

In his supposed brilliance as a leader, the principal reported the incident to the local police, thinking that perhaps a legal threat would help me clean up my act and straighten my wayward ways. To my frightful demise, my parents were involved, they were the last people I wanted to have know about this.

A police officer, along with my parents, were called to the school after school hours. The uniformed officer met with my parents and I separate from Dan and his family. They had heard of Dan from his home precinct, but he was new to this part of the valley. The officer, my parents and I sat at a picnic table at the front of the main high-school building.

“I understand you had an altercation with a boy at school today,” he began as he pulled out his notebook, “Tell me, what were you wearing?”

“What was I wearing? What does that have to do with anything?” I blurted, shocked at the absurdity of his question.

“Well, you know that boys don’t act the way this young man did unless they feel provoked. We’ve found that when girls act or dress in a way that makes boys think they have permission that boys sometimes get over-excited. You must have done something to warrant his behavior. I’m asking you again, what were you wearing?”  

Now I finally got it! I finally understood what my father had said all those years ago about how girls wearing pants made boys think things. And I finally understood why in Girl’s Class they put so much emphasis on modesty, keeping our bodies covered, and not adorning ourselves. While it wasn’t said in so many words it became apparent that girls were held responsible for boy’s irresponsible behavior. My baby-blue long sleeved, modest neckline sweater with sweet little yellow and pink flowers was apparently too much for Dan to resist and he had to rip it off me. I knew I had done nothing to deserve what Dan had done to me. Why couldn’t this officer understand?

“Well, what were you wearing?”

“I was wearing my favorite sweater. It was light-blue with long sleeves and a high-neck and it had little flowers on it. It’s wasn’t even a tight sweater and now it’s ruined. I’m a nice girl, I promise.”

“Did you taunt him in some way, flirt with him or give me him a tease? You know how girls are.”

“No, I wouldn’t ever do that. I hate him. I hate his guts!”

 “Well, you must have done something to provoke this young man. I will meet with him next. You are free to go.”

What became really clear after looking back at this and other incidences of assault by boys at school, was the long-held belief that girls are the cause of boys sins. Is is such a long-held, unconscious belief that it goes all the way back to the story of Adam and Eve.

It is time for us as humanity to grow up, see the ridiculousness in the belief that women are the cause of the fall of men, and hold ourselves each accountable for our own actions, rather than placing blame elsewhere.

Until next time, Be Fearless & Free!

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Catholic Comparison

Today’s snippet from Fly, Fly Away: From the Prisons of Polygamy and Patriarchy to the Freedom of Deep Truth.

In my childhood religion we believed that no one could forgive us except for God. We were stuck with our sins until the great and terrible day of judgment in the afterlife when all of humanity would be called before God and their eternal fate determined in one fail swoop. We laughed at the crazy Catholics who actually believed that a man behind a magic curtain like the Wizard of Oz could absolve them of their sins. They were free to sin as much as they wanted and then magically get to start all over again as if nothing had ever happened. The ecclesiastical white out made everything okay. I admit there was a little jealousy that they got to live guilt free, while I had to carry the guilt with me for eternity. All they had to do was believe and confess while I had to work my butt off every day for God’s acceptance of me. We didn’t just have to believe in Jesus as our savior, we had to be perfect like Jesus. Through perfection, we got to be more than saved, we were exalted. Guilt for our sins was the price we paid for making it to the top of heaven.

This was my perceptive as a teenager after being exposed to some Catholic kids in the public school my parents finally broke down and allowed me to attend. This was among the many evils of the world my parents didn’t want me to be exposed to.

Open minds can become changed minds!

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