The Polygamist's Daughter

Stories, Reflections and Conclusions of Life on the Inside


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Doubt vs. Discernment

As I child I was taught to not doubt my religion, and that doubt was the devil tempting to lead me astray. What I didn’t understand then was the difference between doubt and discernment.

Doubt is based in fear while discernment is based in love.

Doubt is so much more than temptation. Doubt blocks us from discovering our own truth and divine greatness. Discernment is our higher-self, our loving spirit, teaching us how to think outside the confines of fear. In that regard, doubt then is from the devil, just not the way it has been taught to so many of us.

Doubt is a deception.

If deception is a temptation away from our full and true capability, then one can see how it could be construed as being from the devil. Doubt can be used to serve a particular religion, and it can also be used against us in our own individual spiritual evolution. Doubt comes from the illusion of fear and darkness where discernment comes from the light of truth.

Doubt keeps human beings stuck where they are, while discernment gives them the courage to move forward.

Question everything, discern everything, even the doubting voice coming from your own mind, and especially the doubt placed upon you by others.

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Until next time, Be Fearless and Free!


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Suffering In Silence

The religion that I grew up with told us that suffering was a gift from God for women, and women suffering in silence allowed men their birthright to have joy. Suffering made women more beautiful because it kept them meek and humble, and at the feet and will of men.

The paradox of joy and suffering, in this system of belief was very extreme, and was encoded in me as a very young child. It is still a work in progress, as life is. Finding the courage to speak my truth in the presence of men can still unnerve me at times.

Suffering does’t make anyone more beautiful, but it can offer a lesson in self-growth that can lead to a more beautiful way of moving through life.

The paradox of joy and suffering are a part of the human experience, as paradoxes are. The paradox exists as a medium for growth. There is a difference between embracing the paradox of joy and suffering, and being a doormat for suffering in the belief that it is a spiritual practice.

Joy is a result of recognizing the suffering exists and healing it; first accepting its existence, and second, treating it with healthy applications of love, beginning with self-love. 

The paradox of suffering and joy exists. How we work with the paradox is how we find joy. This is with our own suffering, as well as the suffering of others. 

Recognizing the suffering, and wallowing in it without resolution, are two different things. There is also a difference between processing the suffering and spiritually bypassing it.

Without recognition and acceptance, then processing and resolution, the lesson that suffering has to offer isn’t learned. Ignoring, stuffing (staying sweet and silent) or bypassing the suffering halts to path to joy. Until the lesson is learned, the suffering will continue, and joy is held at bay. 

The suffering will keep coming up, again and again, until it is resolved and the lesson is learned.  

Choose to see the suffering as an opportunity for personal self-growth. This requires facing it with courage, refusing to stuff it and pretend it doesn’t exist and resolve it with love and fortitude. 

Life is that ALL beings might have joy. Everyone suffers, it is part of the human experience on earth school. How long we suffer, and how we manage the suffering is a choice. We are all empowered with choice.

Choose Joy! 


Surviving The Great Apocalypse

Here is another snippet from my book Fly, Fly Away. It gives readers a quick glimpse into the reason people are so afraid to leave once they join.

Fear is the greatest controller of the human body, heart, mind and spirit.  

The night following Hannah’s nearly tragic accident we held our weekly Family Home Meeting. Wednesday evenings throughout the community, were reserved for family meetings. Each family spent the evening at home in spiritual study, conversation and prayer. Typically, the subject for our family meetings was apocalyptic prophesies regarding the last days. My father seemed clearly obsessed with the doom and gloom predictions that every prophet since the beginning of recorded history has made about the end of times, and he painstakingly ingrained those stories into our innocent, young, impressionable minds. The dreams of Daniel, Revelations of Isaiah, predictions of Nostradamus, and forecasts of Joseph Smith and other Mormon prophets, and my father’s own interpretations were wrapped up into one end-of-the-world melodrama that was guaranteed to happen in my lifetime. Most definitely before the year 2,000, which was seen by us as the beginning of the seventh day, (each day represented as a thousand years) of earth’s existence, and earth’s very own personal Sabbath. Those predictions were the reason we fled to the mountains, grew our own food, had years of supplies in the basement and guns to protect ourselves from the government and unavoidable intrusion from China, Mexico and Russia.

The apocalypse was upon us at any moment!

The battle of Armageddon and the second coming of Christ, separation of wheat from chaff, (we of course were the wheat), the ascension of only a chosen few and the resurrection of the bodies of Mormon Saints being lifted up and restored to wholeness, was inevitable. World War III and America being attacked from all borders, missionaries rotting in the streets of Jerusalem and pestilence against those who were sinful loomed on our doorstep. The sun turning to darkness and blood running in the streets, wars and rumors of wars, violent earthquakes and all manner of destruction, another planet slamming into ours and tearing of the veil between good and evil, great disease, abominations, and more… were my inevitable destiny. On that great and dreadful day, God would raise his mighty hand, smite the evil-doers and cleanse the earth of sinners and all inequities. Only 144,000 people would survive the great cleansing and baptism by fire. All of the prophesies would then finally be fulfilled. And we, along with those like us, would be the only ones to benefit from God’s wrath upon His children.

These stories led to nightmares that haunted me well into adulthood, until I finally came to understand how many of the prophesies were parables and metaphors, rather than events.

The prophesies are periods of time throughout history rather than one big day. They tell of a time when fear begins to leave the planet and love returns, when the Divine Feminine is resurrected and restored to Her mantle beside the Divine Masculine and equality and harmony are restored to Earth’s children. We are in the midst of it right now and have been for over 50 years. We are all ascending, not just a chosen few. The process isn’t pretty, and we will get there, if we don’t destroy ourselves first.

We are the ones we’ve been waiting for and we are the ones who will save us from ourselves. 

As they say, the pen is mightier than the sword. We can use it as a weapon of mass destruction or use it as a tool for peace.

I am so grateful to be free of the stories that once tormented my soul and kept my spirit captive in fear. Today I am free to see what is possible for ALL of humanity rather than just a supposed chosen few.

Until next time, be Fearless & Free!

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