The Polygamist's Daughter

Stories, Reflections and Conclusions of Life on the Inside


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Brenda’s Journey

In the nearly 10 years that I’ve been writing this blog I’ve had the opportunity learn, grow and expand my perspective, both of my own journey and the journey of others.

Along the way I’ve met extraordinary men and women. Some who are still in polygamy and many who have left in search of their own path. Many I’ve met online and still have yet to meet in person. One of the brightest lights on my path, and on my Facebook feed, is Brenda Nicholson. Brenda was one of the lucky ones to escape the stronghold of Warren Jeff’s grasp. When I first discovered Brenda she was still wearing her F.L.D.S. dress and up-do. Now she has has found her own style.

Brenda has found happiness in the outside world and is now sharing her own perspective of what polygamy is like from an inside view. Here is a post she gave me permission to share.

“A couple of years ago I bought “Becoming Sister Wives” from a thrift store. I read it then, but it has taken me a while to write about it.

This is the first of several blog posts I will be publishing where I will be addressing polygamy according to the self-proclaimed “Good Polygamists.” I hope you’ll find their ideas of “Good” polygamy as interesting as I have.

I have to warn you: This is a long post. I couldn’t figure out how to really portray things without including a significant amount of their own testimony. (I only got through the point where Kody married his third wife, Christine.

I found this book surprising, but not for the reasons I expected it to be.”

You can checkout Brenda’s latest blog post here.


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Polygamy Secrets Exposed

Several years back I woke up in the middle of the night to the message, “You need to make a movie about polygamy.”

These four-o’clock wake up calls sometimes happen when my soul has a message for me that needs my attention. This one took me by complete surprise. At the time I knew nothing about the film industry, only that I had dabbled in in for a few months in the late 1980’s and quickly discovered it was a slimy business I wanted nothing to do with.

Why then, more than twenty-five years later, did I suddenly get the middle-of the night call to make a movie? I thought that crazy idea of fame and fortune in the film industry had sailed decades ago.

The next morning I sat on my couch, asking myself what the message was all about. The response was simply, “keep your eyes and ears open today.” A little later I hoped onto Facebook and into a private group I rarely visited. It was a group full of anger and suffering as the result of polygamy and when I did visit, it was to spread love and healing. That morning it became for a completely different reason.

Yes, I’m highly intuitive, and my inner-guidance is spot on!

Another uncommon visitor to the group asked if I knew anyone with the last name of Lithgow or Mackelroy. The first name I knew all too well. This was the last name of the girl that I ran away from home with. I haven’t seen or heard from her in 30 years, but I will never forget her name.

I mentioned that I knew the last name Lithgow, and was met with a response that a filmmaker in Los Angeles was looking to make a movie about polygamy and looking for someone to help. Within 24 hours I was sitting down with that filmmaker, who just happened to have an opening in her very busy schedule, and within a week we were filming on location in Colorado City.

Yes, that middle of the night wake-up call was the real deal, as was the nudge to keep my eyes and ears open.

Amber Dawn Lee was that filmmaker, and although the movie itself still sits on the cutting room floor as they say, Amber and I have become life-long friends. A few days ago she dug up some of the footage we shot and has posted it on her You Tube channel.

Checkout the footage and be sure to subscribe to her channel. She is finding a way to blend film-making with stand-up comedy and cult survival. She has just started adding some of our footage so there are only a couple of them. Stay tuned for more as she loads them up!

As for me, that the meeting with Amber has taken me on a completely new trajectory for my life in alignment with my soul’s higher purpose. I will share those details with you once I have contracts in hand.

As always, Be Fearless, Be Fabulous and Be Free!


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Suffering In Silence

The religion that I grew up with told us that suffering was a gift from God for women, and women suffering in silence allowed men their birthright to have joy. Suffering made women more beautiful because it kept them meek and humble, and at the feet and will of men.

The paradox of joy and suffering, in this system of belief was very extreme, and was encoded in me as a very young child. It is still a work in progress, as life is. Finding the courage to speak my truth in the presence of men can still unnerve me at times.

Suffering does’t make anyone more beautiful, but it can offer a lesson in self-growth that can lead to a more beautiful way of moving through life.

The paradox of joy and suffering are a part of the human experience, as paradoxes are. The paradox exists as a medium for growth. There is a difference between embracing the paradox of joy and suffering, and being a doormat for suffering in the belief that it is a spiritual practice.

Joy is a result of recognizing the suffering exists and healing it; first accepting its existence, and second, treating it with healthy applications of love, beginning with self-love. 

The paradox of suffering and joy exists. How we work with the paradox is how we find joy. This is with our own suffering, as well as the suffering of others. 

Recognizing the suffering, and wallowing in it without resolution, are two different things. There is also a difference between processing the suffering and spiritually bypassing it.

Without recognition and acceptance, then processing and resolution, the lesson that suffering has to offer isn’t learned. Ignoring, stuffing (staying sweet and silent) or bypassing the suffering halts to path to joy. Until the lesson is learned, the suffering will continue, and joy is held at bay. 

The suffering will keep coming up, again and again, until it is resolved and the lesson is learned.  

Choose to see the suffering as an opportunity for personal self-growth. This requires facing it with courage, refusing to stuff it and pretend it doesn’t exist and resolve it with love and fortitude. 

Life is that ALL beings might have joy. Everyone suffers, it is part of the human experience on earth school. How long we suffer, and how we manage the suffering is a choice. We are all empowered with choice.

Choose Joy!