The Polygamist's Daughter

Stories, Reflections and Conclusions of Life on the Inside


Leave a comment

Leaving Religion Changed My Life

In words of one of my favorite authors, Martha Beck, I lost the Mormons and found my faith.

When I was seventeen years old I ran away from home for good.  It was either that, or kill myself. 

The first time I was only thirteen. I left home on my bicycle after a school teacher openly made advances toward me.  My father found me and attempted to “beat some sense” into me.  The beating only made me more determined to leave the craziness of my religion. In my eyes, no loving God would beat a child into submission.

That wasn’t a God I wanted to believe in and I wanted to believe that love meant something more that what I saw around me. 

After leaving the Fundamentalist Mormon cult of my childhood I moved to Utah and became a member of the normal Mormon church. I went through all of the missionary teachings as though I were any ordinary gentile, never letting on where I came from and what I knew. I pretended to be a convert, even though I was already VERY familiar with the teachings. I had hoped that being accepted as a normal Mormon would help me feel better about myself and the God I had been taught to believe in. But that didn’t help. I felt awkward in false-acceptance and the fellow-shipping felt disingenuous, as though it had a hidden agenda I couldn’t quite put my finger on. All I knew is that all of it made me feel very uncomfortable, and it just didn’t feel right for me.

In my early twenties a friend of mine introduced me to a spiritual center. There was no fear-mongering or guilt-tripping, just happy people doing their own thing. 

For the very first time in my life I felt at home. I was never a regular attendee at this center, or any center, as memberships of any kind made me feel uncomfortable. The only time I stepped into any church over the next twenty years was for occasional weddings or funerals. My spirit felt free of dogmatic obligations and judgmental eyes as I came to terms with my own truth. The real freedom came just a few years ago when I finally found the process to ask for a release from the Mormon church.

Dismembering from the Mormon Church is a lot more difficult than becoming a member, just as disbelieving is. 

Now, more than ever before, my spirit is free to follow its own path. I am free to be who I am really here to be and I am free to listen to my own internal guidance without fear or guilt for trusting my own truth. Leaving religion is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. It has freed me up to connect to Spirit without the dogmatic perceptions, expectations and practices created by middle-men.

I am one with Spirit, God, Source, Love… and It is one with me. I am that I am and I am free! 

And yes, I forgave this past a long time ago. I could not do the work I am here to do had I not had the story that I have. I’ts all good.

Until next time, Be Fearless, Fabulous and Free!

logo-signature

Advertisements


Leave a comment

An Idle Mind Is A Tool Of The Devil…Not

“An idle mind is a tool of the devil” was one of the greatest misconceptions of my childhood. I’m pondering this morning on the subject of guilt, particularly on the subject of religious guilt. It was such a part of my childhood that it was the driving force behind my low-self esteem.

Even as a child my mind wondered into spiritual concepts and understanding what could not be explained by my parents religious dogma. They believed that their religion held every answer to every conceivable question, that it left “no stone unturned and no question left unanswered,” and therefore, any concept outside of their particular religion was a misconception from the devil attempting to tempt me and lead me astray.

I felt guilty for not having a testimony of our religion being the only true religion. I felt guilty for not getting up in church and telling people I believed the church to be true. I felt guilty for not believing everything I heard at church and in our religious teachings at school. I felt guilty for doubting God’s only truth. l felt guilty for allowing myself to have an idle mind that tempted me with other spiritual awareness. I felt guilty for my gifts of understanding concepts that were not taught to me by my leaders. I could not explain how I knew what I knew and felt guilty for knowing, because thinking for myself was seen as temptation. I felt so guilty for having spiritual gifts that I shut them down and tried to believe in, “the only right way.” But I never really bought into it and felt guilty for not following God’s pre-approved plan. Guilt in essence broke my heart and shut down my gifts of inspiration, all because I quieted my mind instead of keeping it busy with school and approved religious studies.

What I came to recognize a few years ago is that an idle mind is a tool for inspiration. It opens us up to higher concepts, allows the imagination to spur creation and forwards our individual and collective evolution. It is simply a matter of what we choose to tap into and focus on. I let go of guilt a long time ago and came to fully embrace the gifts of understanding that are a part of having an idle mind.

An idle mind is your greatest tool for inspiration. Quiet the chatter in your mind, allow yourself to question everything and listen for your truth to reveal itself to you.


1 Comment

1987 Harmonic Convergence

In August of 1987 a friend of mine invited me to attend church with her. At that point in my life I wanted nothing to do with church of any kind. I had been battling suicide for over five years which resulted from my extremely patriarchal, fundamentalist upbringing, and I knew I couldn’t find reprieve from my suffering in the same beliefs that created it. I was only 21 yet very tapped into my intuition.

Something about this girl and her family was different. They didn’t come across as the faux friend I felt bombarded with from others who wanted to assimilate (fellowship) me into their belief system. I had  left Montana as a teenager and moved to Salt Lake City to find myself. Everyone I met seemed to want to convert me to “real” Mormonism. But not this family. They seemed to me to be genuine and real, with no strings attached.

My friend told me about the female minister at her church and that she would be teaching a lesson on prosperity the following Sunday. That I needed to see – a woman leading the show and talking positively about money? Both were beyond my imagination.

Out of curiosity I took my friend up on her invitation. That one random Sunday forever changed my life. It took me in a direction I never imagined possible. It took me on a journey of self-discovery, self-improvement and eventually, self-realization. All of that new age enlightenment taught me how to heal my life and see a much bigger picture of myself and the universe. Not through the church itself so much, but through the books in the bookstore. Wayne Dyer and his friends became my teachers. And yes, the Church of Religious Science – now the Centers for Spiritual Living – literally saved my life.

There have been other similar organizations that I’ve attended over the years, such as Unity, Unitarian and various Science of Mind based spiritual centers. They feed my soul rather than attempt to control it. All of them have bookstores that stimulate my emotional and spiritual analysis and elevate my self-awareness.

August of 1987 was a big year, not just for me but for the planet as a whole. It was the time of Harmonic Convergence when a new level of enlightened energy began coming to our planet. Of course I didn’t know it at the time but now I see the synchronicity. I am so glad I said yes to my friend and in so doing, said yes to life and the direction of my life purpose. All those years ago I could have never imagined where I am today.

Another Harmonic Convergence begins tomorrow. I’m curious to see where it takes us…

Be sure to connect with me on my official page where I share my latest insights to help you become more self-empowered. Follow me on Facebook, Twitter and You Tube too.

Until next time, be fearless, fabulous and free!

Victoria Reynolds Signature