Is Polygamy the Answer?

I had the pleasure of being a guest on a Blog Talk radio show last night on the subject of legalizing polygamy. The argument of the host was that polygamy is the answer to an issue that plagues our inner cities. That with so many single women the only answer is to collect them and take care of them. The host insinuated that women cannot take care of themselves and need to be rescued by men.

This belief that women are worth-less has been bread into the consciousness of society for thousands of years. It is so inbred that many men and women are unconscious how deeply rooted this belief still is. The women’s movements of the last century made headway into opening up conversation about this inadequacy but it is still deeply penetrated within the recesses of our minds. We see this in the women who are afraid to ask for a raise at work, afraid to ask for time off and afraid to ask their husbands for money. We see this especially in the girls who have such little self-worth that they disrespect themselves and their true greatness by giving their bodies to anyone who will have them. They are so desperate for validation that they intentionally become single mothers out of a desire for anyone to love them.

Polygamy is not the answer. Polygamy further instills in these women the belief that they are incapable of taking care of themselves and must surrender to a man who already has other women. Legalizing polygamy further exacerbates the issue as more girls are told that they are not worth having a man of their own. It further propagates the desire to have a child merely from the standpoint of desperation and dependency. It places more emphasis on the hierarchy of men and the dominance of women. And it allows the young men in our neighborhoods more freedom to plant their seeds with the assurance that someone else will take responsibility for their actions.

The response of the host was that although the ratio of men and women is fairly equal the quality is not.  He himself admitted that many men “are shit”.  Yes, there are many men who allow their ego to supersede rationale rather than make choices based on logic and reason. They make choices based on fear and their own lack of self-worth. This is an issue that men need to resolve amongst themselves. Women should not be made to suffer because of some men’s ill-fated decisions.

The answer is personal empowerment. Some men are still stinging over the women’s movements of the past that caused many women to become hard and cold in an effort to be seen in a more serious light and worthy of respect. We have moved beyond that. This new movement many of us are embracing is not empowering women to become more like men, but to become more of themselves. It is inspiring women to find their strength and power within themselves and to embrace their femininity. This movement is about teaching our daughters, sisters and mothers to love themselves, respect themselves and honor themselves. To let go of the resentments of the past and embrace their true inner greatness. This is not about bringing down men while women are raised up to surpass them. This movement also empowers men to make better choices based in self-love, self-respect and self-honor rather than choices based in fear and ego. From this new way of being the wars against each other and against humanity will end. Out of their own self compassion men will no longer feel the need or desire to oppress and belittle women but see the beauty in all that women and desire that women stand by their side in balance and equality.

We the women of today are finding our inner strength and true worth. We are strong, beautiful, sensual and feminine. We recognize our sexuality and sensuality as a Divine gift to ourselves and not a service to men. We honor and respect our husbands because we honor and respect ourselves, and in turn our husbands honor and respect us as their equal partners.

Polygamy is not the answer to single motherhood on the streets. It creates relationships based in desperation and pity rather than genuine love and mutual respect. Some claim that they like it the old way as they cling desperately to what once was. But the old way is fading away and those who refuse to evolve will be part of a dying breed.