The Polygamist's Daughter

Stories, Reflections and Conclusions of Life on the Inside

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Resiliency in the Face of Truth, Adversity and Bullying

My word for today is resiliency. It came to me the middle of the night in response to red-ribbon week at school and the subject of bullying which I think has gotten completely out of hand. Not the bullying, but the assumption that if people have an opinion that doesn’t fit in the box, that they are bullies.rubber ball

Resiliency is the ability to stand strong in who you know you are and not take the perceptions, choices and actions of others personally. It is knowing that you don’t need to take personal ownership of other people’s stuff.

What others say, think, feel and do is always about them and not about you. There will always be people who don’t agree with you, who don’t like you and don’t think the way you do. There will always be people who are better looking, more talented and more popular. There will always be parties that you don’t get invited to because you don’t fit into their agenda. There will always be people who don’t resonate with you or have chemistry with you. There will always be people who hurt others because they themselves are hurting. That is simply a part of life and always has been. It is no one else’s responsibility to make you happy.

You know that old saying, “sticks and stones my break my bones but names will never hurt me?”  

Yes, names do hurt. Yes, not getting invited to the party hurts, yes having someone tell lies about you hurts, and yes, hearing an opinion that is the opposite of your own hurts. But it doesn’t need to break you. Unfortunately people have become so overly sensitive that they now break like china dolls and take others out with them. We have become so sensitive that we have forgotten what bullying really is.  Until you have had your head pushed in a toilet, been beaten up in a bathroom, had your faced smashed into a locker, been thrown into a dumpster, and had your clothes torn off you, like I was, don’t whine to me about how someone hurt your politically correct and overly sensitive feelings.

Until you have been shot in the head by the Taliban like Malala was, you don’t really understand the full scope of what bullying is, and what resiliency can be!

Let us continue to teach kindness, compassion and understanding, and also teach resiliency. Let us teach our children how to create an environment where we are all free to speak our mind and embrace conversations where we can agree to disagree. Let us teach open-mindedness where conversations can lead to new breakthroughs in understanding.  Let us create an environment where freedom of speech really is free. Nothing great was ever accomplished in this world by keeping our thoughts and opinions small out of fear of how someone else would perceive us.  And, while there are those whose words are intended to be hurtful because the purveyor themselves are dealing with their own suffering, let’s include them with compassion into the conversation and work with them to heal their own wounds and create resiliency within themselves.

Resiliency is using all of that which hurts us to make ourselves stronger and less likely to break. It gives us the resolve to be who really have the capacity to be. It stretches us like a rubber band and allows us to take new form. It gives us the ability to bounce back in the face of failure and adversity. All great things in this world have stemmed from resiliency.

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Heart Power

As many of us have come to realize, all of our systems, nationally and globally, are undergoing a shift as more truth about our systems and their limitations are brought into the light. The availability of information can either be seen as a cause for blame and resentment or an opportunity to create new systems that not only benefit us individually, but the entire human family.

There are many of us who recognize that we are leaders and messengers in this global shift in consciousness. As leaders and messengers it is vital that we bring our Heart Power into everything we do. Harmony is the song of the universe and the energy of love is what causes it to flow gracefully.

It is vital that we bring our Heart Power into everything we do. For me using “Heart Power” means bringing compassion and understanding into every area of my life. Not just with my family and friends but into my work as well. It means looking past blame or resentment for what has been and seeing instead with compassion and understanding. Only with compassion and understanding can we see clearly into the possibilities of what can be.

Over the past few weeks I have found myself putting this Heart Power into practice as I worked in a documentary film I am producing regarding Warren Jeffs and the FLDS. Filming on location in Colorado City I was harassed by what the locals call the God Squad. During local interviews I heard numerous stories of abuse, kidnapping, animal torture, sex trafficking, rape, extortion and suicide…every possible atrocity known to humankind all justified by religion and a man who calls himself a prophet of God.

It is my life purpose to bring into the light the subjects of spiritual abuse and spiritual liberation. Because of my own healing and spiritual freedom from Mormon Fundamentalism I was able to see those affected by the FLDS practices and beliefs with compassion. They are people who are doing the best they can with what they know, good people who are misguided by a man who is driven by his own desires. As warped and twisted their lifestyle may be to the rest of us, deep inside they are no different. They are looking for guidance, acceptance and support.

Learning how to use the power of love also made it possible for me to see Warren Jeffs, as deviant as he may be, through compassion and understanding. Had it not been for his selfish desires as a religious zealot the story of the FLDS might never be told and the people would never find the freedom they deserve. Because of his abuses of religion and the people under his control the members of the FLDS will now have the opportunity to attain true liberation.

That knowledge makes my work worth the effort. Facing my work with heart brings the possibility of harmony to all those who may be served by my message. It brings the possibility of healing from the spiritual abuse that those affected have undergone. And it provides the rest of the world with the ability to see those affected by spiritual abuse with their own understanding and compassion.

As each of us brings Heart Power into our work, home, community and relationships, we will see a shift in humanity as a whole. Bringing love into everything we do individually has the potential to create a new world collectively. Love indeed is the most powerful thing in the world!

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Is Polygamy the Answer?

I had the pleasure of being a guest on a Blog Talk radio show last night on the subject of legalizing polygamy. The argument of the host was that polygamy is the answer to an issue that plagues our inner cities. That with so many single women the only answer is to collect them and take care of them. The host insinuated that women cannot take care of themselves and need to be rescued by men.

This belief that women are worth-less has been bread into the consciousness of society for thousands of years. It is so inbred that many men and women are unconscious how deeply rooted this belief still is. The women’s movements of the last century made headway into opening up conversation about this inadequacy but it is still deeply penetrated within the recesses of our minds. We see this in the women who are afraid to ask for a raise at work, afraid to ask for time off and afraid to ask their husbands for money. We see this especially in the girls who have such little self-worth that they disrespect themselves and their true greatness by giving their bodies to anyone who will have them. They are so desperate for validation that they intentionally become single mothers out of a desire for anyone to love them.

Polygamy is not the answer. Polygamy further instills in these women the belief that they are incapable of taking care of themselves and must surrender to a man who already has other women. Legalizing polygamy further exacerbates the issue as more girls are told that they are not worth having a man of their own. It further propagates the desire to have a child merely from the standpoint of desperation and dependency. It places more emphasis on the hierarchy of men and the dominance of women. And it allows the young men in our neighborhoods more freedom to plant their seeds with the assurance that someone else will take responsibility for their actions.

The response of the host was that although the ratio of men and women is fairly equal the quality is not.  He himself admitted that many men “are shit”.  Yes, there are many men who allow their ego to supersede rationale rather than make choices based on logic and reason. They make choices based on fear and their own lack of self-worth. This is an issue that men need to resolve amongst themselves. Women should not be made to suffer because of some men’s ill-fated decisions.

The answer is personal empowerment. Some men are still stinging over the women’s movements of the past that caused many women to become hard and cold in an effort to be seen in a more serious light and worthy of respect. We have moved beyond that. This new movement many of us are embracing is not empowering women to become more like men, but to become more of themselves. It is inspiring women to find their strength and power within themselves and to embrace their femininity. This movement is about teaching our daughters, sisters and mothers to love themselves, respect themselves and honor themselves. To let go of the resentments of the past and embrace their true inner greatness. This is not about bringing down men while women are raised up to surpass them. This movement also empowers men to make better choices based in self-love, self-respect and self-honor rather than choices based in fear and ego. From this new way of being the wars against each other and against humanity will end. Out of their own self compassion men will no longer feel the need or desire to oppress and belittle women but see the beauty in all that women and desire that women stand by their side in balance and equality.

We the women of today are finding our inner strength and true worth. We are strong, beautiful, sensual and feminine. We recognize our sexuality and sensuality as a Divine gift to ourselves and not a service to men. We honor and respect our husbands because we honor and respect ourselves, and in turn our husbands honor and respect us as their equal partners.

Polygamy is not the answer to single motherhood on the streets. It creates relationships based in desperation and pity rather than genuine love and mutual respect. Some claim that they like it the old way as they cling desperately to what once was. But the old way is fading away and those who refuse to evolve will be part of a dying breed.