The Polygamist's Daughter

Stories, Reflections and Conclusions of Life on the Inside

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Women Supporting Patriarchy?

I remember my mom going to an ERA meeting out of curiosity. It was around 1979.

She came home upset that women would insist on being anything but a righteous and obedient wife and mother. She used the old cliche “a woman’s place is in the home” followed by, “not gallivanting off trying to make money.” She then went on to say said that only angry divorcees and lesbians were feminists and she would have nothing to do with that. I did not know what either one of them were, but I was old enough to know that I didn’t want to be like my mother.

Not much has changed in some parts of our country. I’m stunned, although not really, that there are still women fighting to keep the patriarchy alive and in charge.

There is comfort in letting someone else be in control of their destiny and comfort in wearing hand-me-down beliefs. There is comfort in staying in pre-defined roles and lanes even when the lanes are restrictive. Every thing and everyone in their place maintains order and the male God’s plan.

This isn’t a judgement, just a reflection, and understanding why a segment of our society is clinging to the old ways.

It feels safe and comfortable there. It’s what they’ve always known and change can be frightening. The old ways are comfortable, even when the discomfort is almost unbearable. This comfort is the reason women stay in abusive marriages, sweep painful stories under the rug and hold themselves beneath the power of patriarchy. There is safety in keeping things the same as they’ve always been, even when it isn’t really safe.

Fear creates anger and anger drives division.

Change is inevitable. Understanding that many are facing a real fear of change, helps us understand why some women continue to support the patriarchy, even as they continue to be abused by it. It’s their comfort zone.

It’s up to us, the change makers, to understand why they choose what they choose and try to love them through the fear. We can all get thought this re-balancing of masculine and feminine. They need us to not hold them in resentment simply because they cannot know what they don’t know.

And, it’s up to us, to no longer be afraid to ask for our own needs to be met. This is how we empower ourselves without dis-empowering our men.

Until next time Get Bold, Be Courageous and Speak Your Truth!

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Becoming Homeless

I ran away from home as a teenager when I finally had enough physical and sexual assaults on my body and mental and spiritual insults to my mind.

It was either that, or commit suicide. At the time, I didn’t really consider it running away from home. I just left. I got in the back seat of a car and drove away. I had a one friend who told me she had a place for me to stay and that was all I needed.

My adventurer into the “real world” began with sleeping on the floor of house with people I didn’t know. A kind woman whose name I can’t recall, rescued a few of us from the cult and let us stay with her until we could get a foothold on our own. That was my first experiences with being homeless.

Yes, I had a place to sleep, but it wasn’t home.

A continual cycle of circumstances left me homeless off and on for the the next 10 years. Sometimes I had an apartment, sometimes not. There were times of stability and times of not knowing where I would sleep next. Job losses and changing roommate situations left me sleeping on floors, couches and sometimes in my car. A few times I got lucky and picked up house-sitting opportunities. I lost everything I owned several times. What I learned about myself is that I could not stay where I was wasn’t appreciated and I learned that I am resourceful and resilient.

Finally, I found where I belonged. I found home. A “you can stay here for a few weeks until you find a job and a place to live,” turned into a relationship leading to a happy marriage, a beautiful house, two amazing kids and a stable career.

Now I’m giving back to help others in the same situation.

A team of female filmmakers have come together and are telling the truth about homelessness. So few people realize what it really is and how one person can make a difference that lasts a lifetime. We are each sharing our own stories of living without a key. Pearl is a documentary film sharing 6 women’s’ stories shedding light on the full scope of homelessness.

The purpose of “Pearl” is to enlighten the masses about the many faces of homelessness and give hope to others in situations like ours.

We can’t do it alone. Change takes a community. We are looking for others to join the movement and share their own stories of homelessness. HERE is the link for more information. Click on the box beneath JOIN THE FILM CREW and we will keep you updated on how you can share your story. You can also donate to the film-making fund, and even earn production credits on our Seed & Spark campaign by clicking HERE.

Please share the information forward and thank you for being a part of making a difference in the world. Together we rise!

Until next time, Get Bold, Be Fearless and Speak Your Truth!

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Brenda’s Journey

In the nearly 10 years that I’ve been writing this blog I’ve had the opportunity learn, grow and expand my perspective, both of my own journey and the journey of others.

Along the way I’ve met extraordinary men and women. Some who are still in polygamy and many who have left in search of their own path. Many I’ve met online and still have yet to meet in person. One of the brightest lights on my path, and on my Facebook feed, is Brenda Nicholson. Brenda was one of the lucky ones to escape the stronghold of Warren Jeff’s grasp. When I first discovered Brenda she was still wearing her F.L.D.S. dress and up-do. Now she has has found her own style.

Brenda has found happiness in the outside world and is now sharing her own perspective of what polygamy is like from an inside view. Here is a post she gave me permission to share.

“A couple of years ago I bought “Becoming Sister Wives” from a thrift store. I read it then, but it has taken me a while to write about it.

This is the first of several blog posts I will be publishing where I will be addressing polygamy according to the self-proclaimed “Good Polygamists.” I hope you’ll find their ideas of “Good” polygamy as interesting as I have.

I have to warn you: This is a long post. I couldn’t figure out how to really portray things without including a significant amount of their own testimony. (I only got through the point where Kody married his third wife, Christine.

I found this book surprising, but not for the reasons I expected it to be.”

You can checkout Brenda’s latest blog post here.