The Polygamist's Daughter

Stories, Reflections and Conclusions of Life on the Inside

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Bullying Is Terrorism

One of the subjects I haven’t covered much on this blog is that of bullying. Part of the reason I suspect is that being bullied was a normal way of life for me for a very long time. As a little girl it came from my family, other children and the belief system itself. Everything in my life kept me feeling afraid. In high school it was my peers, both boys and girls, that took terrorizing me to an extreme and left me with nothing more than an obsession with suicide.

At the time there was no term for children hurting other children. It was simply overlooked as, “kids will be kids.”

When boys threw rocks at me, shot me with BB guns and used me for slingshot practice, I obviously did something to make them want to hurt me. In high school when I experienced sexual assault it was brushed of as “boys will be boys.” When girls called me names and physically attacked me, I must have done something to piss them off. Even when I was raped I was told it was my fault. In the belief that I must have done something to make others act the way they did, all of it culminated in a desire for nothing more than death to relieve my suffering.

When I hear stories now about kids committing suicide because they’ve been bullied, I get it. I REALLY get it.

For me, the bullying started when I was very young in the form of coercion. Coercion is an extreme form of bullying and it isn’t that uncommon even today. It is so mainstream that it often goes unrecognized. It shows its face in ways of manipulative parenting, extreme religions, peer pressure, micro-management, passive-aggressive behavior, gang mentality and so on.

Research has shown that the lasting effects include anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, symptoms of post-traumatic stress, attachment problems, substance abuse and suicide. When emotional terrorism is inflicted on children it becomes internalized and the result is self-terrorism. Children who are emotionally traumatized become the most vulnerable to being victimized, specifically for bullying as they grow into their teens and young adulthood. The long term effects result in lack of self-worth for even the most enterprising individual. These feelings of lack of self-worth are then cycled through to the next generation. And so it goes.

Children who are coerced and bullied are more likely to join gangs, get caught up in terrorism and be tantalized by cults as they grow into adults.

What those three all have in common is that they cause the hurt inner child to feel loved, as twisted as that love may appear. In these environments the inner-child  that has been broken by belief, feels safe and accepted. The bullies on the playground often become leaders, albeit fear-driven leaders because they know how easy it is to manipulate people. They know how to rally people to their cause and make followers feel heard.

This above all is the reason that we must be vigilant to teach our children kindness and mutual-respect. Children who grow up in unconditionally loving homes are far less likely to be affected by bullying when it comes their way. They are far less likely to be manipulated by fear and more likely to become healthy, happy, kind and compassionate adults.

Unconditional love and acceptance is the number one cause of happiness. 

This is my area of expertise. If you are having difficulty getting to the next level in your work, relationships or life as a whole, chances are you have unconscious fear-based beliefs blocking your happiness and forward movement.

Visit my official website and let’s help you find the happiness you rightfully deserve!



Halloween Spooks

It was not until I entered high school that I became aware of the existence of Halloween. Halloween was one of the Pagan holidays and as a Pagan ritual it was not acknowledged in my community. With the discovery of Halloween came the awareness that even the mention of the holiday would summon evil spirits. It was the most evil day of the year and a time when humanity invited the devil into their homes and his demons to openly walk the streets. In that understanding I became terrified of Halloween and could never find it in me the ability to celebrate such a dark and horrifying holiday.

I spent my childhood being terrorized by stories of the devil and his demons. My religion taught me that the devil had been given dominion over earth and his demons walked the earth in spirit form. That it was their intent to lead me into temptation and drag me into the depths of hell and join them in their misery. Evil spirits lived under my bed, in dark closets and in the forest surrounding my home. The only time I was safe was in the presence of a man who held the priesthood or in a room that had been recently cleansed and consecrated. Dreams about the devil tormented me in my sleep and I lived with a constant sense that I was being followed. The belief that evil was ever present kept me in a constant state of fear and terror. The religion that was created to supposedly bring light into my life kept my mind and soul in hell.

As I grew to become an adult I let go of the irrational belief that the devil was out to get me. I came to understand that the devil was a creation of religion intended to keep me in submission to my religion and its teachings. But I still was unable to find the ability to celebrate Halloween with joy. I dressed up and played the part but underlying the parties and the role-playing was a deep seeded belief that it was wrong. The dreams about the devil still haunted me on occasion and I still did not fully understand the difference between good and evil.

It was not until recently that it all became crystal clear and I finally healed the trauma to my soul that my religion had caused. As I came to listen to my own internal truth about who I am and what God and the devil are for me I found a pure peace in Spirit that my religion could have never provided me. For me the devil and his demons do not exist, at least not in the form my religion attempted to control me with. They are nothing more than the voices in my head that attempt to thwart me from my life purpose and keep me from understanding my true divine worth and potential. They are nothing more than my own imagination.

Halloween has now become a regular celebration in my home. Each year I dress up with my kids and wander the neighborhood with family and friends as we enjoy the freedom of being out after dark and the camaraderie of fantasy. Halloween has become one of my most favorite holidays and one that I celebrate with joy and exuberance, not just for the fun with my family, but for me it is but a celebration of overcoming the fears that once held my soul captive.