I began this blog for the purpose of enlightening readers on the subject of polygamy, its relationship with religion and my own experiences of growing up in a polygamist commune. It has been my intent from the beginning to express my viewpoints and share my memories from a place of acceptance and compassion while remaining free from judgment.
Over the past month I have connected with many other people who were brought up with the polygamist lifestyle. I have heard their opinions, research and findings with regard to polygamy and its impact in their lives and upon society as a whole. Most of them are adamantly against polygamy because of the pain it has caused in their lives and the lives of those they love. They have all been abused in some form as a result of this lifestyle, some as children and some as wives. They come from all over the world and from various religions with the intent of bringing into the light the truth behind the practice of polygamy; the truth of what goes on behind closed doors. This group is made up of both men and women who wish to see progress toward equality and better treatment of humanity.
As a result of being part of this group I began to feel againstness in my heart. I have become so spiritually in tune with myself that I can feel when I am not in perfect alignment with my own internal truth. The feeling of againstness does not resonate with my soul and asks that I take a deeper look into how I really feel about polygamy. This feeling of againstness has pulled the energy away from my original intent with this blog. In my feelings of againstness I lost sight of the compassion and acceptance that are the foundation of my life and who I have become.
And so I return again to how I really feel about polygamy as a lifestyle choice. Let us not forget that polygamy is a lifestyle choice. Unlike homosexuality and pedophilia which are physical and mental conditions respectively, polygamy is purely a choice. It is not a choice that I consider attractive in any way personally, but it is a choice that others find desirable. For some it is about real and genuine love, for some it is nothing more than sexual gratification or desperation, and for some it is based in fear and coercion with justification by religion.
I find myself in a quandary because I support love. When love is genuinely expressed between mutually consenting, loving and respectful adults I wholeheartedly support it. If men and women choose to invite other loving relationships into their marriage without coercion or control that should be their choice. And in actuality it always has been, but without the label of marriage. So why must that change? An open relationship allows the freedom of partners to make love with whomever they choose. The issue as I see it is with marriage itself. Leave morality out of marriage and allow it to simply be about love and all of the issues about who gets to marry simply goes away. But many people insist that marriage must be sanctified by their God and in order to make polygamy politically and morally correct it must be made legal.
How do we create an environment that allows people to openly express love with whomever they choose? (within legal age of course) How do we place limitations on the genuine expression of love? Do we sacrifice the good of the whole for the desires of the few who wish to be in a relationship with more than one person at a time? The lifestyle of polygamy has overwhelmingly been proven to be harmful to the families who live it. How can we justify legalizing a lifestyle that has been proven harmful to society? If polygamy is legalized how do we protect those women and children who are and will continue to be abused by it? Is it time for a complete restructuring and redefinition of marriage as a whole? Do we even need marriage or is it an age old custom that has run its course? These are the questions that plague my mind when I consider the ramifications of polygamy on an ever evolving society. Humanity is evolving into a new way of being based in love and compassion for the whole human family. How does this play out on the subject of polygamy? How can we support love while penalizing those who use the guise of love to harm and control others?
I am not a legal expert and this is a battle I am not qualified to fight. I will leave the legalities to those who are better equipped, to those who carry the evidence to support their arguments, and to those who are working toward the betterment of humanity. The best that I can do is to continue to hold those who have been traumatized by this lifestyle in love and compassion and continue to hold myself in the truth that I support love.