The Polygamist's Daughter

Stories, Reflections and Conclusions of Life on the Inside


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Fear to Freedom

This is a short presentation I recently gave to a group of spiritual seekers. I share a bit of my story about growing up in Fundamentalist Mormonism, how the fear-based beliefs of my childhood affected me as an adult and my journey into finding my own truth.

Each one of us is on a journey of personal evolution in the progression of our own soul and each one of us has specific lessons we pre-determined we wanted to learn in our physical journey. Each one of us has our own unique path and each one of us has our own truth depending on where we are in our own soul’s progression. While there are Universal truths which exist at the core of all humanity, with or without religion, we also have our own individual truths that guide us in our physical journey and the journey of our soul.

In this understanding we can see that there is no “one right way to God” as many of our religions have misguided us to believe. These beliefs were created to keep us under control through the ambiguity of fear. Whether this was done consciously or not is irrelevant, because it is simply a part of our collective evolution. This belief that there is only one path set a course for humanity to be pitted in againstness, rather than oneness. These beliefs have been responsible for pitting cultures against each other and pitting men against women. They have been responsible for the belief that some of us are worth more than others and created the inability for us to recognize and embrace our own truth.

When we all learn to understand that there is more than one path, more than one right way, and more than one truth, and that we are all of equal worth and value, then we will finally have the global peace we all seek. When we override our fear based-beliefs with love, then we will feel the inner peace we all innately desire. When we learn to see every human being through the eyes of unconditional love, then we will have created the heaven on earth that we are ALL ultimately able to create, because it is the very essence of who we are. We need only work down through our limiting beliefs and become one with our own truth, which is always connected to that which many call God.


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Awarding Motherhood

Mother’s Day was among the most highly celebrated occasions in the commune. As a woman’s sole purpose for existence was to procreate, each woman was judged by the number of children she produced in service to our religion and to God. Creating mortal bodies for God’s other spirit children was her way of showing gratitude for her own mortality and evidence of her relentless service to meeting His desires.

Each year on Mother’s Day we all came together in the church/community center for a morning of remembering our mothers. The children all gathered together at the front of the room and sang Sunday School songs commemorating motherhood. The singing was interjected by a sermon provided by a male member of the audience in his perspective of what it meant to be a wife and a mother. The morning was completed with an award presented to the woman with the most children.

As much as my mother tried she never won that award. One other woman had her beat each year. The spread widened as my mother had several miscarriages and Sister Jessop had twins. My mother ended her child birthing years with only twelve children. There were those in the community who scorned her for quitting too early but she had come to determine that a dozen would suffice.