The Polygamist's Daughter

Stories, Reflections and Conclusions of Life on the Inside


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Fear to Freedom

This is a short presentation I recently gave to a group of spiritual seekers. I share a bit of my story about growing up in Fundamentalist Mormonism, how the fear-based beliefs of my childhood affected me as an adult and my journey into finding my own truth.

Each one of us is on a journey of personal evolution in the progression of our own soul and each one of us has specific lessons we pre-determined we wanted to learn in our physical journey. Each one of us has our own unique path and each one of us has our own truth depending on where we are in our own soul’s progression. While there are Universal truths which exist at the core of all humanity, with or without religion, we also have our own individual truths that guide us in our physical journey and the journey of our soul.

In this understanding we can see that there is no “one right way to God” as many of our religions have misguided us to believe. These beliefs were created to keep us under control through the ambiguity of fear. Whether this was done consciously or not is irrelevant, because it is simply a part of our collective evolution. This belief that there is only one path set a course for humanity to be pitted in againstness, rather than oneness. These beliefs have been responsible for pitting cultures against each other and pitting men against women. They have been responsible for the belief that some of us are worth more than others and created the inability for us to recognize and embrace our own truth.

When we all learn to understand that there is more than one path, more than one right way, and more than one truth, and that we are all of equal worth and value, then we will finally have the global peace we all seek. When we override our fear based-beliefs with love, then we will feel the inner peace we all innately desire. When we learn to see every human being through the eyes of unconditional love, then we will have created the heaven on earth that we are ALL ultimately able to create, because it is the very essence of who we are. We need only work down through our limiting beliefs and become one with our own truth, which is always connected to that which many call God.


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Remembering My Magnificence

For the past four and half years I have found myself in an amazing transformational journey. At first it was not so amazing as my entire life began crumbling around me and I wondered if and how I would ever find my foothold again. Everything I had spent my life working for no longer worked and much of my life stopped making sense. Somewhere in my thirties I forgot who I was and I thought I had arrived at who I wanted to be. Then it all came crumbling down.

I had known for most of my adult life that I would someday write about my story of growing up in polygamy. And after being introduced to self-improvement books in the 1980’s I set an intention with myself that someday after I found success I would write a self- improvement book. It would be my way of saying thank you to those who had helped me find my emotional freedom and a guidebook for others who were searching for theirs. The book about growing up in polygamy has been a work in progress for over twelve years, there I said it. I could not understand until recently why I was unable to finish this book and now I understand. I wasn’t ready, and the perspective to write it from needed the fine tuning that only comes with inner transformation and enlightenment. The self-improvement book birthed itself unplanned in the middle of writing the story of my childhood. I had forgotten about my intention to write the self-improvement book until a few months ago, several months after I published the book. Further evidence that intentions work, we just don’t always know the timing that causes them to manifest.

One other intention I had set for myself over the past few years was not to write or talk about my childhood or polygamy until I could communicate through the eyes of love. While the name of this blog indicates that my focus is on polygamy that was not my intention. I am not the expert on polygamy from an adult perspective and can never profess to be. I did not live it or feel the pain in my heart of sharing my husband. And yet I did see the pain it caused my parents and those closest to me, and I understand why they chose to live it under the guise of love and through religious coercion. Long after I left home I felt the guilt and shame that came with not living up to God’s expectation of me to live this, His most sacred law. And for many years I lived with the question of whether I would spend an eternity in Hell for letting Him down. I now see polygamy for the imbalance that it creates and that in the free-will-choice we are all guaranteed, many do and will continue to make choices that cause them pain and suffering for the promise of eternal exaltation.

My intention for writing this blog was to share stories about my childhood and how the lessons I have learned in the last four plus years of my transformational journey can help others in seeing their past with new eyes. While I support those who are out fighting the fight to breakdown religious tyranny, bring about global human rights and expose the harms against humanity in the name of religion, standing in the trenches fighting the fight is not in alignment with my higher purpose. My purpose in all of my writing, speaking, mentoring, and filmmaking is to uplift those who are fighting the fight, to remind them of who they are and why they fight for all of humankind. For a very long time I felt alone in the discussion of religion and how it is no longer necessary for the ascension of humanity. Now I know that there are many who are telling this truth, which frees me up to return my focus to my heart’s work. The work of inspiring those who are ready to open their minds, hearts and souls to their own greater possibilities. To let them see that the veil of separation is nothing more than an illusion and that we are all truly magnificent.


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Leaving the Saints

Leaving the Saints

I recently finished reading “Leaving the Saints” by Martha Beck. I found Martha’s unique writing style and lightheartedness to be a refreshing portrayal of a very painful past. In “Leaving the Saints”, Martha shares her story of rediscovering the truth of her childhood trauma, her experiences with growing up in the LDS (Mormon) Church and her journey to spiritual transformation. Many of Martha’s stories confirmed within me that the memories of my childhood were not my imagination. Although I was raised in a Fundamentalist Mormon community, the beliefs and practices are not far from those of the traditional Mormon Church. This I have been able to gather from Martha’s book, along with other research.

It is important to recognize that “Leaving the Saints” was written nearly ten years ago and many of the Mormon beliefs and practices have evolved since that time. Members are no longer threatened with disembowelment for example. Albeit the church is still a patriarchal society loaded with fear-based beliefs, as many religions are.

The journey out of religious dogma into discovering our own innate spirituality is a process that many of us are undertaking. I applaud Martha’s candor about her journey and where she is today as a result of discovering her own inner truth.