The Polygamist's Daughter

Stories, Reflections and Conclusions of Life on the Inside


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Leaving Religion Changed My Life

In words of one of my favorite authors, Martha Beck, I lost the Mormons and found my faith.

When I was seventeen years old I ran away from home for good.  It was either that, or kill myself. 

The first time I was only thirteen. I left home on my bicycle after a school teacher openly made advances toward me.  My father found me and attempted to “beat some sense” into me.  The beating only made me more determined to leave the craziness of my religion. In my eyes, no loving God would beat a child into submission.

That wasn’t a God I wanted to believe in and I wanted to believe that love meant something more that what I saw around me. 

After leaving the Fundamentalist Mormon cult of my childhood I moved to Utah and became a member of the normal Mormon church. I went through all of the missionary teachings as though I were any ordinary gentile, never letting on where I came from and what I knew. I pretended to be a convert, even though I was already VERY familiar with the teachings. I had hoped that being accepted as a normal Mormon would help me feel better about myself and the God I had been taught to believe in. But that didn’t help. I felt awkward in false-acceptance and the fellow-shipping felt disingenuous, as though it had a hidden agenda I couldn’t quite put my finger on. All I knew is that all of it made me feel very uncomfortable, and it just didn’t feel right for me.

In my early twenties a friend of mine introduced me to a spiritual center. There was no fear-mongering or guilt-tripping, just happy people doing their own thing. 

For the very first time in my life I felt at home. I was never a regular attendee at this center, or any center, as memberships of any kind made me feel uncomfortable. The only time I stepped into any church over the next twenty years was for occasional weddings or funerals. My spirit felt free of dogmatic obligations and judgmental eyes as I came to terms with my own truth. The real freedom came just a few years ago when I finally found the process to ask for a release from the Mormon church.

Dismembering from the Mormon Church is a lot more difficult than becoming a member, just as disbelieving is. 

Now, more than ever before, my spirit is free to follow its own path. I am free to be who I am really here to be and I am free to listen to my own internal guidance without fear or guilt for trusting my own truth. Leaving religion is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. It has freed me up to connect to Spirit without the dogmatic perceptions, expectations and practices created by middle-men.

I am one with Spirit, God, Source, Love… and It is one with me. I am that I am and I am free! 

And yes, I forgave this past a long time ago. I could not do the work I am here to do had I not had the story that I have. I’ts all good.

Until next time, Be Fearless, Fabulous and Free!

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Ex-Polygamist or Polyamorous Woman Wanted

Yes, you read it right.  I am looking for a woman.

I have been writing this blog for the past five years whenever I feel it tugging at me.  Sometimes I am so inspired that I write more than once a week and sometimes there is a lull of several months.  I write when I feel inspired to write or when something strikes me as so important that I need to write about it. And, I write when I can squeeze it in between other projects and everything that it means to be a wife and mom.

At the beginning of this year I made a commitment to myself to connect with my readers more often and I am now always on the hunt for new content. Part of this commitment is to extend my writing beyond just my own perceptions and include interviews with other people who have experienced polygamy, spiritual abuse and women’s worth issues.

Religiously coerced polygyny I understand. I know far too well the gun that is pointed at women’s heads that forces them to share their husband.  A choice based in duress isn’t much of a choice.  

What I want to understand is why a woman who doesn’t need to share her husband or lover would make that choice. It is a choice based in lack of self-worth?  Does she believe that it’s as good as she is going to find? Did she make the choice out of feeling pressured by someone? Was there a fear-based belief driving the lifestyle choice? What kind of woman would invite another woman into her partnership? What kind of woman would invade someone else’s relationship? How is this any different than swinging? How is it any different than a man having an affair that the wife knows about and willingly allows?

The reason that I am looking for an ex-poly is that I want to understand all sides of the story. I want to know why she chose to engage in the lifestyle and why she chose to exit it. I want someone who is passionate enough about her perspective that she isn’t afraid to spend a few minutes on camera to share her story with you in her own words. Why, because I think all women deserve to know the truth behind the lifestyle choice. And, I think that the world needs to understand the difference between polygamy and polyamory.

The word polygamy has been thrown around lately as the new in buzz word for open relationships. Polygamist relationships and polyamorous relationships are very different things. For starters, one is legal, while the other is not, and for very good reason. 

One last thing. This needs to be a woman who lives in Southern California. Finding someone who lives a secret life has been my biggest hurdle thus far. Ex-polygamists are easy enough to find in Utah but not so much in California. Here in SoCal I suspect the lifestyle and the openness are more prevalent than other parts of the country, the issue is where to begin looking. As far as I know their aren’t any polygamist bars – that’s actually quite the oxymoron considering most polygamists don’t drink. I’m specifically looking for a woman close to home because I would love to spend some real time with her, heart-to-heart, woman-to-woman, talking about women’s worth, love and relationships.

 bonus1I am also offering my Evolve VIP Mentoring Program, a one-one-one coaching program valued at $5,000, to whoever this well-deserving woman is, as compensation for her time and willingness to share on camera.

If this is you or you know someone who is, please send me a personal email to Victoria@VictoriaReynolds.com with the subject line: Ex-Polygamist or Polyamourous Woman Wanted.

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