The Polygamist's Daughter

Stories, Reflections and Conclusions of Life on the Inside


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Children of Cain, aka the Seed of Satan

The belief that people of African descent are of less value than God’s favored white people ran very deep in my childhood religiosity. It was believed that Blacks were the offspring of Satan through the lineage of Cain. That they were cursed with a dark color so that we would know to fear them and avoid them at all costs. To me this is one of the most hurtful and hateful beliefs ever propagated by religion. The belief that God despises some of Earth’s children so much that he holds them accountable for the actions of their ancestors thousands of years before their birth is mind-boggling. Talk about harboring resentments.

This was one of those beliefs that deeply affected my life for a very long time, really until just a few years ago. I had many dark skinned friends who I adored, yet still felt fear around them. Although I stopped logically believing this nonsense many years ago, my body did not get the message. While I truly enjoyed the company of my friends and their beautiful energy, I found it difficult to feel as connected with them as I was with my Caucasian friends, and this deep-seeded reservation really troubled my heart. To put it in easy to understand terms, I practically had an anxiety attack whenever I hugged one of my friends. It literally gave me heart palpitations, which I found very disturbing.

Once I understood where the root of my anxiety came from I was able to deal with it through forgiveness, compassion and love. After confronting the belief and working through it, I cleared any control it had over me and its remnants in my body. Freeing all of me up to genuinely love my friends, regardless of their physical appearance, and embrace them without reservation.

I am now able to see the ridiculousness in the belief that the shade of a person’s skin plays any role in their physical and spiritual worth. The rainbow does not judge one of its colors as better than another or the sun judge a ray of light as more valuable than the next, and yet we somehow have bought into the irrational belief that the Creator judges some of us as more worthy than others, simply because of our ancestry.

What makes this belief all the more irrational and inconceivable is information we now have about humanity and our collective evolution. Thanks to science we now know that all human life originated in Africa, which means we all had dark skin at one point in our ancestry. It really is amazing how one person’s story and perception spreads like a wildfire of destruction through the hearts of humanity, causing us to hold resentment toward other members of our human family. The belief that Black people are evil is only one story that shows evidence of how hurtful and unjustified our beliefs can be.


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Child Friendly Faith

Child Friendly Faith

I am part of an online group titled “Child Friendly Faith.”  It is our collaborative goal to bring spiritual abuse into the light and ask that our religions serve us, rather than us serving them.  It is our intent to create an environment of faith that is based solely in love and not in fear, and to create an environment that cultivates faith through desire, rather than force.  It is my purpose, in association with others, to create an environment that promotes healing from spiritual abuse.

Last weekend I had the opportunity to spend a few days with Jan Heimlich, the creator of Child Friendly Faith and author of “Religious Child Maltreatment”.  Jan is a journalist who has taken great pains to research the subject of religion, and when religious beliefs and practices become harmful to children.  She takes into consideration that maltreatment it is more than the abuse of children, but also the neglect that often occurs as a result of well-meaning parents whose minds are influenced by their religious leaders.

On Sunday afternoon I watched a presentation Jan was giving to a group of Atheists. Her presentation was shared in collaboration with Bethany, a woman who Jan interviewed for her book. Bethany’s story was heartbreaking as she described the physical abuse that began when she was only six months old at the suggestion of her parent’s minister.  Even more heartbreaking was the expectation that Bethany begin beating her baby sister as part of her sisterly responsibilities.

In my own perspective spiritual abuse is more than just physical or sexual assault, it is emotional and psychological as well. Many of the perpetrators are unaware that they are abusing their children because they themselves are being controlled by their religious beliefs.  It is not the religion itself that is at fault, but the interpretation and manipulation of those who use it to assert control over its followers.  Spiritual abuse causes trauma to the human spirit, and prevents to connection to God that is supposedly the purpose of religion itself.

Following the presentation, several members of the audience asked me what my religious beliefs are.  I could not come up with an answer for them.  I am not Atheist, although I do not believe in a man-made deity. I believe that infinite intelligence is energy that does not take the physical form of a man (or woman).  It simply is that it is. I thought about the word Spiritualist, but that word is already taken by a church. I thought about the word Energist, but that word has been coined as well.  I do not like labels and after great internal deliberation over the next few days I came to realize that I am not able to lump myself into a category.  There is no name for who I am and what I believe.  And then it hit me, I am that I am.  I do not need a label, a person or a group to identify me.  I simply am.

I have ascended beyond religion, as religion no longer serves a purpose in my life. I do not need to pretend to believe in something for my own comfort or for the comfort of those around me. I no longer live my life based on how others will judge me for my lack of what they perceive as faith. I do not need to cling desperately to the fear that I will be rewarded or imprisoned for my lack of belief after I transition out of this world. Faith for me is not intertwined with religion but a higher understanding of what is possible, a deep knowing that I shape my reality in co-creation with the intelligence of the universe, aka God.  Faith for me is an internal connection to Spirit and freedom from fear and doubt. My faith is stronger than it has ever been and is far more powerful without the interruption of religion.

For me, child friendly faith, is teaching our children about their own power and their ability to experience a life that is filled with awe and wonder. It is teaching them that they are the creators of their realities and that they work in creative collaboration with God, in the energy of unconditional love.  It is teaching them that they are born in perfection with the potential for greatness; it is raising them up to their own possibilities and showing them the magnificence that each one of us holds within us.


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True Religion

When I was twenty-one years old a friend of mine introduced me to the Church of Religious Science. It was the first time in my life that I learned I played any part in the direction of my life. I ran away from the commune I had been raised in when I was seventeen years old out of fear that I would end up a plural wife and spend eternity with a man I did not love. For the next five years I lived with the guilt and shame of going against God’s plan for me. I had no self-esteem and no direction in my life. I suffered in silence with the temporary reprieve of drugs, alcohol, food and sex.

My introduction to the Science of Mind principals literally saved my life. Knowing that my life is not predestined by anyone but me and that my choices create my life gave me the courage and power to begin the healing process and overwrite the fear based beliefs that had been engrained in me since childhood. The Church of Religious Science has since appropriately been renamed the Centers for Spiritual Living. Over the years I have attended many Science of Mind based centers including Unity & Unitarian Universalist (now the same) all of which teach that God is love and we are co-creators in this life experience. Occasionally I attended Agape Spiritual Center and a Center for Spiritual Living in my neighborhood.

I had been told from the time I was born that our religion was the only true religion. Now I know within myself that is not true – at least not for me. I am not a member of any church and instead choose to follow the will and guidance of my own soul in direct connection to Spirit. No middle man necessary.