The Polygamist's Daughter

Stories, Reflections and Conclusions of Life on the Inside


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Learning to Love my Enemies

As a little girl I could not understand what it meant to love my enemies.

Growing up I was often told and retold the stories and teachings of Jesus One of the most difficult teachings for me to grasp until several years ago was the teaching of “love your enemies and pray for those who spitefully use you…” I found it nearly impossible to comprehend how to go about loving my enemies. And why on earth would I pray for those who used me? I barely knew how to love my family and friends, and certainly didn’t love myself. Loving my enemies was beyond my intellectual and emotional grasp.

After an experience in my kitchen a few years ago, an experience which changed my life forever, I get it.

I was given the gift of feeling what love really is. It isn’t an emotion, it is energy in motion. It is the God force energy that exists in all things, even me. I finally understood that I am love. I am divine love. I am one with God – the energy of love. It is the stuff I am made of and all things are made of. It is the glue that binds all things and beings together. Every leaf, blade of grass, flowers and wind, my heart and yes, even those who I may have once seen as my enemy, are the embodiment of love.

There is nothing that isn’t love! We just can’t see it through fear-full perceptions.

So, what does it mean to love your enemy and pray for those who spitefully use you? It means to recognize that YOU are the source of love. When you love your enemy, you see them through the eyes of love. When you pray for those who spitefully use you, you want their spite to be healed. That is the Christ Consciousness of love and understanding. That is the love that God has for all of us.

It breaks my heart when I hear of people praying for God to destroy President Obama or casting spells on President Trump. Seriously? That’s the opposite of everything Jesus stood for. Jesus knew and tried to impress upon his followers that we are all one with Love.

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Until next time, Be Bold, Fearless and Free!


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Recovering from Spiritual Abuse

I define religious abuse as physical, sexual and human rights abuses that are justified by religious dogma and religious opportunists. Spiritual abuse is abuse of the human spirit and exists within many of our beliefs in the form of fear, which is often disguised as love. These beliefs prevent us from connecting to ourselves and to Spirit, and prevent us from experiencing unconditional love. These fear-based beliefs result in trauma that manifest in the same way as emotional abuse, leaving individuals who are filled with shame, guilt, resentment and depression. Our beliefs teach us we are born sinners, that we are to be ashamed of ourselves for our actions, that we don’t deserve to be in the presence of God and that we can’t possibly live up to God’s expectations of us, and so on. These beliefs not only traumatize us emotionally, they cause trauma to the soul and affect our beliefs about our soul’s worth.

We are told to believe in an unconditionally loving God, yet in the same token we are given a long list of conditions under which God will love us. We are told that we are separate from God and we are separate from love, and that both need to be painfully earned outside of ourselves through our actions. Most of us have been taught to love each other as God loves us. Our understanding of God’s love is conditional; therefore our love of others is conditional. We have been taught to love each other as we love ourselves, yet fear, guilt, shame, resentment and judgment about our own worth is reflected in the judgments we have toward others. How can we possibly love each other without condition when we don’t have unconditional love for ourselves?

The self-loathing that is induced by our fear-based beliefs causes spiritual trauma.  In order to heal this trauma we must first recognize the difference between spirituality and religion. Spirit is energy, and spirituality is the energetic essence of who we are. Connecting to spirituality is learning to connect to who we really are, deep within the core of our being, and understanding our true self. It is that part of us that is all-knowing and is connected to Infinite Intelligence, not the fear filled beliefs in our mind. Our beliefs are a result of messages we have picked up throughout our lifetime and we assumed were real. Once we learn to analyze our beliefs and see how they resonate deep within us, we can determine which beliefs are in alignment with our inner truth.

Recovering from spiritual abuse can be a long and often painful process because it causes us to reevaluate everything we think we know. As we peel off the layers of fear, face the source of the pain and learn to change our perceptions of our life experiences, the trauma associated with our beliefs begin to lift away. Love is the energy that heals all things and when we face our fears with love and compassion, our fears no longer have any control in our life. Every belief about who we think we are, why we are here and what is expected of us will come under scrutiny. Only when we do the inner work can we truly know our own individual journey, our own unique spiritual experience and our own path.  All transformation must begin within ourselves.

It is my understanding that we have come to a place in our collective evolution where we can comprehend the mind, body and soul connection, and see how soul trauma manifests as physical disease. Just as psychological and emotional abuse leads to physical disease, so does spiritual abuse.  And just as psychotherapy eventually became recognized as a legitimate form of treatment, I feel that spiritual therapy will someday be recognized. While some may claim that this therapy is already being provided at church, there is often a hidden agenda, which is to propagate the very beliefs in which the abuse occurred. We cannot heal the damage to our mind, heart, soul or body by repeating old patterns. As a result of this understanding we will see the emergence of more professionals such as Judith Orloff, M.D. and other enlightened therapists. This emerging field of professionally trained experts can, and will, bring about the healing of humanity, and assist the global transformation from a world based in fear to a world based in love.


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Child Friendly Faith

Child Friendly Faith

I am part of an online group titled “Child Friendly Faith.”  It is our collaborative goal to bring spiritual abuse into the light and ask that our religions serve us, rather than us serving them.  It is our intent to create an environment of faith that is based solely in love and not in fear, and to create an environment that cultivates faith through desire, rather than force.  It is my purpose, in association with others, to create an environment that promotes healing from spiritual abuse.

Last weekend I had the opportunity to spend a few days with Jan Heimlich, the creator of Child Friendly Faith and author of “Religious Child Maltreatment”.  Jan is a journalist who has taken great pains to research the subject of religion, and when religious beliefs and practices become harmful to children.  She takes into consideration that maltreatment it is more than the abuse of children, but also the neglect that often occurs as a result of well-meaning parents whose minds are influenced by their religious leaders.

On Sunday afternoon I watched a presentation Jan was giving to a group of Atheists. Her presentation was shared in collaboration with Bethany, a woman who Jan interviewed for her book. Bethany’s story was heartbreaking as she described the physical abuse that began when she was only six months old at the suggestion of her parent’s minister.  Even more heartbreaking was the expectation that Bethany begin beating her baby sister as part of her sisterly responsibilities.

In my own perspective spiritual abuse is more than just physical or sexual assault, it is emotional and psychological as well. Many of the perpetrators are unaware that they are abusing their children because they themselves are being controlled by their religious beliefs.  It is not the religion itself that is at fault, but the interpretation and manipulation of those who use it to assert control over its followers.  Spiritual abuse causes trauma to the human spirit, and prevents to connection to God that is supposedly the purpose of religion itself.

Following the presentation, several members of the audience asked me what my religious beliefs are.  I could not come up with an answer for them.  I am not Atheist, although I do not believe in a man-made deity. I believe that infinite intelligence is energy that does not take the physical form of a man (or woman).  It simply is that it is. I thought about the word Spiritualist, but that word is already taken by a church. I thought about the word Energist, but that word has been coined as well.  I do not like labels and after great internal deliberation over the next few days I came to realize that I am not able to lump myself into a category.  There is no name for who I am and what I believe.  And then it hit me, I am that I am.  I do not need a label, a person or a group to identify me.  I simply am.

I have ascended beyond religion, as religion no longer serves a purpose in my life. I do not need to pretend to believe in something for my own comfort or for the comfort of those around me. I no longer live my life based on how others will judge me for my lack of what they perceive as faith. I do not need to cling desperately to the fear that I will be rewarded or imprisoned for my lack of belief after I transition out of this world. Faith for me is not intertwined with religion but a higher understanding of what is possible, a deep knowing that I shape my reality in co-creation with the intelligence of the universe, aka God.  Faith for me is an internal connection to Spirit and freedom from fear and doubt. My faith is stronger than it has ever been and is far more powerful without the interruption of religion.

For me, child friendly faith, is teaching our children about their own power and their ability to experience a life that is filled with awe and wonder. It is teaching them that they are the creators of their realities and that they work in creative collaboration with God, in the energy of unconditional love.  It is teaching them that they are born in perfection with the potential for greatness; it is raising them up to their own possibilities and showing them the magnificence that each one of us holds within us.