The Polygamist's Daughter

Stories, Reflections and Conclusions of Life on the Inside


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Arranged Marriage and Sex Trafficking

Curious about the connection between arranged marriage and sex trafficking in today’s world I posted this question on my social media networks. “Is arranged marriage a form of sex trafficking?”  The responses were varied and quite thought provoking.

The institute of marriage was created thousands of years ago as a contract between families. Daughters were traded and bartered with as chattel as part of the marriage agreement and virgins brought a high price. Girls who had lost their virginity, by whatever means, held no value.  In some societies even today, girls are murdered by their families for their loss of virginity.

In ancient times men gifted their daughters to kings and emperors to become wives and concubines, adding to their harems as men collected women like trophies. Gifting their daughters ensured favor in the eyes of the kings and gave young girls an opportunity at a better quality of life, or so it was presumed.

As humanity evolved, marriage became less about ownership and more about business. Sons and daughters were both pawns in their parent’s negotiations to ensure the peaceful existence between kingdoms and the wellbeing of family fortunes and family reputations.

Eventually marriage became about love, which only occurred in the western world in the beginning of the last century. Some argue that love is not a good requisite for marriage and often leads to divorce as love wanes and negative perceptions and judgments take over.

Arranged marriages still exist throughout the world and the reasoning behind it varies from culture to culture. In some cultures the families present all of the benefits of various potential suitors to their children. The decision regarding the marriage arrangement is made by both families as they come to agreement and the children are an active part of the decision making process.

In other cultures arranged marriages are nothing short of sex trafficking. In one particular culture girls are often betrothed at birth and given to men for their pleasure as young as four years old. They are subjected to hiding their bodies in shame for their entire lives, fully controlled by the men who own them, and treated as little more than sex slaves. Other cultures are similar, in that the bartering of girls is common, as men trade their daughters as favors to other men. And there are cultures where men and women take their young daughters to a religious leader for assignment, in the belief that he is spiritually guided. These forms of arranged marriage are not about family kingdoms, reputations, stability or love. This is about sex and control.

This form of sex trafficking is overlooked here in America because it is justified by religion. In America, anything and everything has been justified by religious belief and overlooked because we have become so religiously sensitive. We seem to forget that this is not about adults and their personal relationship choices in their relationship with God. It is about children being manipulated and abused by a system where religious rights supersede human rights.


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Evolution of Man

There are some who argue that polygamy is the natural way of humankind and monogamy is a manipulation, perhaps, but it is part of the process we know of as evolution. We cannot deny evolution as we witness it every day in our own lives. Evolution is more than physical adaptation; it is the constant learning, growing and creating we do individually and collectively. It is the process of surviving our circumstances, learning from our experiences and moving forward into newer versions of ourselves.  It is an ever increasing understanding of our place in the universe, our beliefs about who we are and the development of new technologies. Since our inception we have continually evolved as we learn new ways of being and moving through life. The evolution of humankind has been experienced for many millennia and our own historical records show physical evidence of this progression.

Although we have evolved to a place where most of us recognized the equality of men and women there are still some who cling to the belief that men must collect and conquer women. That it is a man’s biological need to plant his “seed” into as many women as possible. In the dawning age of man when ever increasing numbers were needed to insure survival of the species that physical nature was true. The biological awareness of a lion on the savannas of Africa is that same natural state of being. It is a survival mechanism built into the animals and was once built into us. But we have evolved past the need for human survival in a wild and dangerous world where we are the prey and resources are scarce.

Many of the less evolved societies insist that sex is a masculine need and female obligation. Making love has been twisted into a perversion when in actuality we all need to make love and to be in loving connective relationships. It is a basic human need to be loved and feel a close connection to other human beings. While some argue that men are less likely to cheat on their wives if they are allowed more than one wife that is simply not the case. Most men are perfectly content with one wife. Men rarely stray from marriage because of sex, but because an emotional need is not being met. Evolved men are monogamous by nature and when men’s emotional and physical needs are met by their partners they have no desire to look elsewhere for fulfillment. A superior male recognizes that relationships based in partnership are more rewarding and fulfilling than those based in ownership.

Societies that live and teach polygamy are societies that refuse to evolve, which is evidenced in their other beliefs. In the societies where men are allowed to have more than one woman and where it is acceptable practice to barter and trade women like animals men are reduced to animalistic activities and tendencies. Most polygamist relationships are not based in love but are based in male domination and control. Many polygamist societies use outdated religious beliefs as a means to justify what is recognized by more evolved societies as a violation of human rights.

There are some who argue that polygamy is a more natural state for women. Sadly many women have been manipulated to believe it is the only way they can have truly fulfilling relationships with other women and the only way they can have their needs met. Women are forced to compete with each other for the intimacy of their husband which disempowers them. They live in the belief they are not worthy of real intimacy and they live in the lie that they are helpless. Women are so much stronger and self-sufficient than those societies allow them to be. The relationship women desire with other women exists in friendship, not competition and women deserve real and genuine love that is unhampered by outdated practices and beliefs.

While there are some who refuse to accept the evolutionary process and attempt to remove themselves from it we cannot deny its existence. It is built into us and is in essence the way we are created. We were created to learn and grow and to evolve. I like to believe that men have evolved beyond the beasts of the field. Certainly the men in my life have.