The Polygamist's Daughter

Stories, Reflections and Conclusions of Life on the Inside


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Evolution of Man

There are some who argue that polygamy is the natural way of humankind and monogamy is a manipulation, perhaps, but it is part of the process we know of as evolution. We cannot deny evolution as we witness it every day in our own lives. Evolution is more than physical adaptation; it is the constant learning, growing and creating we do individually and collectively. It is the process of surviving our circumstances, learning from our experiences and moving forward into newer versions of ourselves.  It is an ever increasing understanding of our place in the universe, our beliefs about who we are and the development of new technologies. Since our inception we have continually evolved as we learn new ways of being and moving through life. The evolution of humankind has been experienced for many millennia and our own historical records show physical evidence of this progression.

Although we have evolved to a place where most of us recognized the equality of men and women there are still some who cling to the belief that men must collect and conquer women. That it is a man’s biological need to plant his “seed” into as many women as possible. In the dawning age of man when ever increasing numbers were needed to insure survival of the species that physical nature was true. The biological awareness of a lion on the savannas of Africa is that same natural state of being. It is a survival mechanism built into the animals and was once built into us. But we have evolved past the need for human survival in a wild and dangerous world where we are the prey and resources are scarce.

Many of the less evolved societies insist that sex is a masculine need and female obligation. Making love has been twisted into a perversion when in actuality we all need to make love and to be in loving connective relationships. It is a basic human need to be loved and feel a close connection to other human beings. While some argue that men are less likely to cheat on their wives if they are allowed more than one wife that is simply not the case. Most men are perfectly content with one wife. Men rarely stray from marriage because of sex, but because an emotional need is not being met. Evolved men are monogamous by nature and when men’s emotional and physical needs are met by their partners they have no desire to look elsewhere for fulfillment. A superior male recognizes that relationships based in partnership are more rewarding and fulfilling than those based in ownership.

Societies that live and teach polygamy are societies that refuse to evolve, which is evidenced in their other beliefs. In the societies where men are allowed to have more than one woman and where it is acceptable practice to barter and trade women like animals men are reduced to animalistic activities and tendencies. Most polygamist relationships are not based in love but are based in male domination and control. Many polygamist societies use outdated religious beliefs as a means to justify what is recognized by more evolved societies as a violation of human rights.

There are some who argue that polygamy is a more natural state for women. Sadly many women have been manipulated to believe it is the only way they can have truly fulfilling relationships with other women and the only way they can have their needs met. Women are forced to compete with each other for the intimacy of their husband which disempowers them. They live in the belief they are not worthy of real intimacy and they live in the lie that they are helpless. Women are so much stronger and self-sufficient than those societies allow them to be. The relationship women desire with other women exists in friendship, not competition and women deserve real and genuine love that is unhampered by outdated practices and beliefs.

While there are some who refuse to accept the evolutionary process and attempt to remove themselves from it we cannot deny its existence. It is built into us and is in essence the way we are created. We were created to learn and grow and to evolve. I like to believe that men have evolved beyond the beasts of the field. Certainly the men in my life have.


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Ovecoming Polygamy and Other Nonsense

Liberating myself from my childhood experiences and beliefs did not happen overnight. It was a journey that spanned most my lifetime and only recently became a journey in paradise as I came to understand a greater sense of myself and my own truths.  I came to recognize the truths about my beliefs and how they affected me on my life path.

The core belief in my childhood religion was that men are Gods and God is man. I was born into the belief that I was, and always would be, worth less than men. I believed that God saw men as more important and more deserving then women. From the time I was very small I knew that a woman would only be allowed into heaven if a man deemed her worthy and without marriage she was destined to spend eternity as a lonely servant in a spiritual prison.  I was also led to believe that the only way a woman could earn real status in the eyes of God was to give her husband other wives with which to plant his seed.  The more seeds a man was allowed to plant in the fertile womb of women the greater his worth in the eyes of God and the greater a woman’s worth in the eyes of her husband.  The sole purpose for woman’s existence was to bear her husband’s fruit and to raise her husband up to the status of a God.  I was taught that God had my physical and eternal existence planned out for me and that any deviation from His plan ensured an eternity in misery.  I came to fear God and His angry judgments of me. In the pervasive belief that I was of little worth I held no esteem for myself and had no concept of love. I knew nothing of love for myself, for my family, for my life or even for God.  My entire existence evolved around dependency on men and their version of God.

The God of my religion was not only a sexist; He was a racist and a bigot.  I was taught that black people are the children of Satan and even being in the midst of a black person would ensure an eternity in hell.  I was taught that only those in my religion were God’s chosen people and that anyone with any other religious conviction had succumbed to the ways of the devil.  It was ingrained in me that our church was the only true church of God and every other belief was a deception.  I was indoctrinated with the knowledge that God’s people are a peculiar people and to be proud of a life filled with judgment and ridicule.  I was taught that life was meant for misery and that I would be rewarded in eternity for a lifetime of pain. I was told to fear anyone who did not look like me, believe like me or live like me. Fear penetrated every aspect of my life until I found myself in the desperation of suicide – but fear prevented me from taking my own life.  I came to realize that I could no longer live with the beliefs that deep inside of me did not resonate with my truth and I had to find a way out.

Breaking free from polygamy and the other irrational beliefs of my childhood became what I now recognize as a four-step process.  The initial step to overcoming my beliefs was physical freedom which I attained at the age of seventeen as a runaway in the back seat of a stranger’s car.  Dropped off in the heart of Salt Lake City I was free to navigate a world I knew nothing about and had been taught my entire life to fear.  I hoped that the change of environment would miraculously bring me happiness and fulfillment, but the emotional anguish I thought would disappear by changing my circumstances only followed me.

That internal agony I had hoped would go away instead became emphasized by my fear of repercussions from God for disobeying Him and not following His plan for me. I lived in the misery of knowing I was destined for an eternity in hell, not recognizing I was already in hell because my beliefs held me there. I did everything I could do to escape my emotional captivity. I became an addict of many things out of desperation for the validation and affection I had never received as a child. I developed an insatiable appetite for food, sex, alcohol and drugs, anything to numb the ever present pain. On the outside I was cool, fashionable and chic. On the inside I was a desperate little girl crying out for attention.

That road of desperation continued until the age of twenty-one when a psychology class opened my eyes and allowed me to see that my childhood experiences and traumas had caused me to grow without esteem or confidence. I was also introduced to the Science of Mind principles and for the first time I began to see that I could change my life and create my own destiny.  I no longer had to live in the pain, fear and guilt of an angry and judgmental God who existed to spite me.  I began a path to healing my mind and my emotions and I began learning how to make choices as I navigated my life with curiosity and courage. Over the next six years I intensely focused on my mental and emotional transformation. Eventually I came to a place where I felt an inner sense wellbeing and balance. I was no longer dependent on anyone or anything for my happiness and sense of self. The fears of God’s punishment vanquished and hell ceased to exist. I was emotionally and mentally free and from there I began a journey to success and financial reward. Life was good. I met my husband, owned several successful businesses and had two beautiful children. I purchased a new home, wore beautiful clothing and I traveled the world. I thought I had it all but something was still not quite right. Deep within me I was still tied to my circumstances and haunted by my past.

It wasn’t until life began crashing around me that I discovered what had been missing and the key to true and lasting liberation. In the midst of chaos I found spiritual freedom.  I came to discover that I never felt truly fulfilled in my life because the fear-based beliefs from my childhood religion still lingered in the recesses of my mind. They still penetrated every cell of my body and tore at my heart and soul. I had let go of any notion of religion and spirituality in my twenties as part of my emotional and mental freedom process. But those deep seeded beliefs still controlled me at a very deep and unconscious level. All of those fear-based beliefs kept me from experiencing the glorious potential of life and knowing my true divine worth.

It wasn’t until I learned how to separate religion and spirituality that I found my spiritual freedom. I came to recognize that my fears and beliefs were nothing more than the fears and beliefs that others attempted to place on me, most of which stemmed from the religious beliefs of my childhood.  I came to see that the dogmatic teachings of religion are not the same as spiritual truths.  I began to realize that there is no one right way to God and that religion is an individual choice.  I came to recognize that the religions of our world are based on the interpretations of those who create any given sect, religion or practice.  I began to understand that there are both light and deception in every religion and that awareness provides me with the capacity to see the good in all of it. Separating religion from spirituality gave me the ability to develop a deep respect for every spiritual master who has graced planet earth.  And I came to see that although religion is not for me I can still have a deep and intensely rewarding connection to Spirit.

My path to freedom culminated in a magnificent journey into love and light in oneness with what I know within myself as Creator. I now perceive what many call God as pure unconditional love; without reservation and without judgment. One that sees us all in absolute equality. I have overcome the belief that polygamy leads to eternal exaltation, that I am worth less than men, and that I am not  intended for happiness. I have let go the many irrational expectations and limitations that existed in my childhood way of life. I am free from the fear-based dogmatic rituals of my youth and I have transcended the beliefs that once held me in spiritual prison. Because of my own spiritual liberation, I now see those who live in fear through the eyes of compassion as I recognize how  easily we are all controlled by our beliefs. And, I recognize that we are all on  individual journeys of self-discovery as we each follow our own path in our own  personal evolution.

Overcoming polygamy and other such nonsense was not an easy journey but one well worth the effort.  The reward that comes with absolute freedom to be who I really am within myself and live in my truth is immeasurable. My journey into freedom culminated in a book about the process of overcoming my childhood beliefs. That book entitled “Transcending Fear” is currently available on Amazon Kindle and is scheduled for full release in early 2012 with availability in bookstores worldwide.


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Polygamy is Slavery

It breaks my heart that representation of polygamy on television appears to be a all positive.  If we as Americans really understood what goes on in the minds of those who are enslaved by the polygamist lifestyle we would not be in support of it. If we really understood we would take a stand to eliminate this form of slavery, not just here in America, but worldwide. I grew up in a polygamist community, I lived the religious beliefs, and I know how firmly convicted these people are in their beliefs. Polygamy is a form of slavery; slavery of women and children to the glorification of their husbands and other men, and slavery of men and women alike to their religious beliefs. Polygamy is an about face reversal of all the work we as women have done over the centuries to create equality and respect with our male counterparts. It is a reversal of everything we have done collectively to create freedom from oppression. As we work to create a world that is enlightened we must open our eyes to the truth. Enslavement of the mind and soul is far more debilitating than physical enslavement and in many cases polygamy it is a combination of all three. Polygamy is another example of spiritual abuse, abuse of the human spirit being justified by religion. How can we honesty be in support of this abuse if we are to embrace our human family as one?   How can we heal the physical, emotional and spiritual damage that has occurred on our planet if we continue to allow our human family to be abused?  How can we tolerate the atrocities of humanity being justified by religion? How can we support religions that have been manipulated to empower men’s greed while belittling women’s true divine worth?  We are all equal in the eyes of our Creator and all worthy of the presence of God’s unconditional love.