As you know, I uploaded Memoirs of the Polygamist’s Daughter onto Amazon Kindle last month. It was a test to measure how the book would sell, and whether it needed the professional editing I suspected that it would need, but my husband didn’t think we needed to invest in. He thinks I am brilliant, my writing is brilliant, and that my work is perfect as is. While I love him and his confidence in my brilliance, I know the book industry and what readers expect to receive for their investment of time and money.
It had not been edited and I knew it wouldn’t get raving five star reviews due to lack of professional editing. I admit I am by no means perfect. In the process of getting a one star and a two star (yes, they both really hurt) I received some tremendously helpful feedback from readers. The overall response was that it is a great story but it really needs editing.
So, off to another rewrite I go. Such is the life of a writer, I am discovering…
My plan is to go back to my manuscript, make the recommended changes, hire an editor and upload those changes to Amazon. I plan to create a bound book that is available to purchase on any book-buying platform, not just Amazon Kindle. Rather than waiting around for a full-service publisher to publish my book, which could take another two years, I am choosing to publish it myself. If all goes as planned my new launch date will be 05/15/15.
One last thing, if you did purchase my book “as is,” please let me know by sending an email with proof of purchase to book@victoriareynolds.com. When the edited copy becomes available, I will gratefully and joyfully send it to you free of any charge.
Thanks for your continual support and understanding.
A story was released this morning that the beautiful and talented actor Glenn Close grew up in a religious cult. During her interview that appears in The Hollywood Reporter she declined going into details about her upbringing in the cult. She briefly mentioned it as she spoke about her father and his work in Africa. Ms. Close did not go into details about the cult because it wasn’t the proper time and place to discuss that part of her upbringing.
What I loved most about her comments were those surrounding forgiveness. In her words “I always thought, the way life works, the burden of forgiveness is on the child,” she says. “That’s the way it goes. Forgiveness is probably the most revolutionary concept there is right now in our world. Because without forgiveness, you just perpetuate what has been before. You [have to] say, ‘It’s going to stop with me.’ ”
That is precisely how I feel about my childhood in a cult. The beliefs that were ingrained in me, and the experiences of my childhood, profoundly affected my ability to have trusting and loving relationships as an adult. Like Ms. Close, I did not have professional therapy to help me work through my childhood beliefs. Apparently some of us have an innate ability to listen to our own healing process – at least that is what I have been told.
I like to think that we all have the ability to heal ourselves when we have the proper tools.
Every one of us has the ability to choose whether we see ourselves as victims of the past, or be victorious over it. Every one of us has the ability to see the past as a learning experience and move forward. Every one of us has the ability to free ourselves from the guilt, shame and blame with the power of forgiveness. Every one of us has the ability to view our painful story through the eyes of love and acceptance. Every one of us has the capacity to live a fulfilling and joy filled life. All of it is ultimately up to each of us.
Choosing to leave the past and all of its pain behind begins with recognizing that it stops with you.
I am thrilled that Glenn Close found the wherewithal to give us a glimpse into the extreme religious cult she came from and its impact on her life. She is one more voice in the forest of voices that needs to come forth if we are to create a more loving and less fearful world.
For the past four and half years I have found myself in an amazing transformational journey. At first it was not so amazing as my entire life began crumbling around me and I wondered if and how I would ever find my foothold again. Everything I had spent my life working for no longer worked and much of my life stopped making sense. Somewhere in my thirties I forgot who I was and I thought I had arrived at who I wanted to be. Then it all came crumbling down.
I had known for most of my adult life that I would someday write about my story of growing up in polygamy. And after being introduced to self-improvement books in the 1980’s I set an intention with myself that someday after I found success I would write a self- improvement book. It would be my way of saying thank you to those who had helped me find my emotional freedom and a guidebook for others who were searching for theirs. The book about growing up in polygamy has been a work in progress for over twelve years, there I said it. I could not understand until recently why I was unable to finish this book and now I understand. I wasn’t ready, and the perspective to write it from needed the fine tuning that only comes with inner transformation and enlightenment. The self-improvement book birthed itself unplanned in the middle of writing the story of my childhood. I had forgotten about my intention to write the self-improvement book until a few months ago, several months after I published the book. Further evidence that intentions work, we just don’t always know the timing that causes them to manifest.
One other intention I had set for myself over the past few years was not to write or talk about my childhood or polygamy until I could communicate through the eyes of love. While the name of this blog indicates that my focus is on polygamy that was not my intention. I am not the expert on polygamy from an adult perspective and can never profess to be. I did not live it or feel the pain in my heart of sharing my husband. And yet I did see the pain it caused my parents and those closest to me, and I understand why they chose to live it under the guise of love and through religious coercion. Long after I left home I felt the guilt and shame that came with not living up to God’s expectation of me to live this, His most sacred law. And for many years I lived with the question of whether I would spend an eternity in Hell for letting Him down. I now see polygamy for the imbalance that it creates and that in the free-will-choice we are all guaranteed, many do and will continue to make choices that cause them pain and suffering for the promise of eternal exaltation.
My intention for writing this blog was to share stories about my childhood and how the lessons I have learned in the last four plus years of my transformational journey can help others in seeing their past with new eyes. While I support those who are out fighting the fight to breakdown religious tyranny, bring about global human rights and expose the harms against humanity in the name of religion, standing in the trenches fighting the fight is not in alignment with my higher purpose. My purpose in all of my writing, speaking, mentoring, and filmmaking is to uplift those who are fighting the fight, to remind them of who they are and why they fight for all of humankind. For a very long time I felt alone in the discussion of religion and how it is no longer necessary for the ascension of humanity. Now I know that there are many who are telling this truth, which frees me up to return my focus to my heart’s work. The work of inspiring those who are ready to open their minds, hearts and souls to their own greater possibilities. To let them see that the veil of separation is nothing more than an illusion and that we are all truly magnificent.
