As I child I was taught to not doubt my religion, and that doubt was the devil tempting to lead me astray. What I didn’t understand then was the difference between doubt and discernment.
Doubt is based in fear while discernment is based in love.
Doubt is so much more than temptation. Doubt blocks us from discovering our own truth and divine greatness. Discernment is our higher-self, our loving spirit, teaching us how to think outside the confines of fear. In that regard, doubt then is from the devil, just not the way it has been taught to so many of us.
Doubt is a deception.
If deception is a temptation away from our full and true capability, then one can see how it could be construed as being from the devil. Doubt can be used to serve a particular religion, and it can also be used against us in our own individual spiritual evolution. Doubt comes from the illusion of fear and darkness where discernment comes from the light of truth.
Doubt keeps human beings stuck where they are, while discernment gives them the courage to move forward.
Question everything, discern everything, even the doubting voice coming from your own mind, and especially the doubt placed upon you by others.
As a child I was taught that Easter was a Pagan holiday and therefore an evil holiday.
We believed that Jesus was born on April 6th. That he died on his 33rd birthday, followed three days later with his mysterious resurrection. Rather than an Easter celebration we had a birthday celebration, with birthday cake and all. It was a celebration of Jesus in his physical life and his promise of eternal life.
Slowly the eggs, bunnies and other “worldly” aspects of Easter sneaked their way into our secluded community. For many years I felt very confused about what bunnies and eggs had to do with The Christ’s resurrection. Long after many families in the community gave up the strictness surrounding the celebration of Pagan holidays, my father was a stickler about it. My first official Easter egg hunt didn’t come until I had kids of my own and a real reason to celebrate. Until recently I did not understand what father meant by “Pagan” and now I finally do.
Knowing what I now know, Easter has a whole new meaning. For me it is a celebration of resurrecting the Divine Feminine.
There is nothing bad or evil about Paganism. What could be so wrong with celebrating our Mother? Why did we feel it so necessary at one point in our human evolution to belittle the Divine Feminine and reduce Her to nothing more than dirt? In reducing Her and all of Her qualities we have nearly destroyed our home. As we created the belief that the God is only masculine, we forgot about our feminine. As we forgot about our Mother we deprived ourselves of really knowing Her unconditional love, compassion and support. And yet, even without Her acknowledgement, She has continued to support us, feed us, clothe us, heal us and love us. She has continued to shower us with Her abundance, even as we bleed Her dry and abuse Her. That is unconditional love of a mother. Unconditional love is not the narcissistic and egotistic love of the Divine Masculine I was raised with.
We now live in an amazing time of our human evolution, when more and more of us are waking up from our dark slumber and rising above our fear-based beliefs.
This is the time of the great resurrection and ascension that has been foretold. It simply doesn’t look the way so many expect it to look. It is the resurrection of the Christ Consciousness. It is the resurrection of unconditional love, that energy that is at the heart of the Divine Feminine. We are restoring the Divine Feminine to Her rightful place in balance and equality with the Divine Masculine, as we now understand that both masculine and feminine are necessary for all creation. As humanity comes together as one family we now see the true value of feminine qualities and propensities. After thousands of years of being put down and treated with worthlessness, true feminine qualities are being restored to their true power. Reminding us that love really is the most powerful force in the universe.
In resurrection the Divine Feminine and Her love-based energies we are restoring balance to the planet. With Her comes the much needed love, compassion, healing, communication, creativity and abundance that is needed to mend and re-create our world.
For the past four and half years I have found myself in an amazing transformational journey. At first it was not so amazing as my entire life began crumbling around me and I wondered if and how I would ever find my foothold again. Everything I had spent my life working for no longer worked and much of my life stopped making sense. Somewhere in my thirties I forgot who I was and I thought I had arrived at who I wanted to be. Then it all came crumbling down.
I had known for most of my adult life that I would someday write about my story of growing up in polygamy. And after being introduced to self-improvement books in the 1980’s I set an intention with myself that someday after I found success I would write a self- improvement book. It would be my way of saying thank you to those who had helped me find my emotional freedom and a guidebook for others who were searching for theirs. The book about growing up in polygamy has been a work in progress for over twelve years, there I said it. I could not understand until recently why I was unable to finish this book and now I understand. I wasn’t ready, and the perspective to write it from needed the fine tuning that only comes with inner transformation and enlightenment. The self-improvement book birthed itself unplanned in the middle of writing the story of my childhood. I had forgotten about my intention to write the self-improvement book until a few months ago, several months after I published the book. Further evidence that intentions work, we just don’t always know the timing that causes them to manifest.
One other intention I had set for myself over the past few years was not to write or talk about my childhood or polygamy until I could communicate through the eyes of love. While the name of this blog indicates that my focus is on polygamy that was not my intention. I am not the expert on polygamy from an adult perspective and can never profess to be. I did not live it or feel the pain in my heart of sharing my husband. And yet I did see the pain it caused my parents and those closest to me, and I understand why they chose to live it under the guise of love and through religious coercion. Long after I left home I felt the guilt and shame that came with not living up to God’s expectation of me to live this, His most sacred law. And for many years I lived with the question of whether I would spend an eternity in Hell for letting Him down. I now see polygamy for the imbalance that it creates and that in the free-will-choice we are all guaranteed, many do and will continue to make choices that cause them pain and suffering for the promise of eternal exaltation.
My intention for writing this blog was to share stories about my childhood and how the lessons I have learned in the last four plus years of my transformational journey can help others in seeing their past with new eyes. While I support those who are out fighting the fight to breakdown religious tyranny, bring about global human rights and expose the harms against humanity in the name of religion, standing in the trenches fighting the fight is not in alignment with my higher purpose. My purpose in all of my writing, speaking, mentoring, and filmmaking is to uplift those who are fighting the fight, to remind them of who they are and why they fight for all of humankind. For a very long time I felt alone in the discussion of religion and how it is no longer necessary for the ascension of humanity. Now I know that there are many who are telling this truth, which frees me up to return my focus to my heart’s work. The work of inspiring those who are ready to open their minds, hearts and souls to their own greater possibilities. To let them see that the veil of separation is nothing more than an illusion and that we are all truly magnificent.
